TRANSFORM RELATIONSHIPS WITH A CARD GAME? By Brandt Morgan I glanced around the table. Everyone was sharing and celebrating: Jokes, belly laughs, hugs, tears—all four players seemed gripped by a powerful spirit of joy and excitement. The table was surrounded by an almost palpable sense of relief and new possibility. I’d seen it before, but I still couldn’t help marveling: How does this happen? How is such dramatic change possible in such a short period of time? Just an hour ago, Danny was feeling so low he didn’t even want to be here. Share my feelings? he’d wondered skeptically. What kind of card game is that? Secretly, he wished he was at home watching TV. It’s possible we all felt a little like Danny at the start. However, all of us were familiar with the Toltec masters don Miguel and don Jose Ruiz and their bestselling book, The Five Agreements. The card game we were about to play was based on the transformative power of those agreements—and on the premise that we could improve any relationship in minutes by honestly applying their wisdom. What did we have to lose? Thus, following the rules of the game, each of us had chosen a relationship and rated it on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being miserable and 10 being fantastic). During a few minutes of silence, we had also chosen one of the following Five Agreements cards to work with: 1) Be impeccable with your word; 2) Don’t take anything personally; 3) Don’t make assumptions; 4) Always do your best; and 5) Be skeptical but learn to listen. Finally, we’d scribbled key words and phrases on a notepad that gave us insights into how we really felt and what was not right about the relationship—as well as how we’d feel if we looked at it from the viewpoint of the new agreement. “My relationship with myself sucks,” Danny had muttered when the game started. “On a scale on 1 to 10, it’s a 5.” But now, 20 minutes later, he was laughing uproariously—mostly at himself. With the help of the Fourth Agreement (“Always do your best”), he’d upped his relationship rating to a 10, and the only drug in sight was a deck of Toltec Agreements cards. A similar transformation had taken place in Carol. “I realize I love food more than feeling good,” she’d confessed. “I find every excuse to eat the things I shouldn’t: carbs, dairy, sugars, you name it.” Now, after applying the wisdom of the First Agreement (“Be impeccable with your word”) and a few encouraging suggestions from her fellow players, she’d resolved to walk every day, drink kale and spinach shakes in the morning, and leave the funky foods behind. The room resounded with applause, then with Carol’s laughter, and no one escaped the warmth of her all-embracing hugs. “This game creates intimacy,” she gushed. “Everybody who plays it falls hopelessly in love!” I’ve facilitated many of these games, and strange as it may seem, people do seem to “fall in love” when they play it. Why? Because it was designed to help you let down and relax—and in that space of relaxation to let go of old blocks and beliefs. For a few precious moments, it creates a “safe space” where you don’t have to protect and defend yourself. When those walls come down, you feel free to use your imagination to envision new possibilities. Then anything can happen. Case in point: Barbara, a strong and decisive businesswoman by day, spent much of the game watching silently, looking suspiciously like a wallflower. When her turn came around, she said, “I feel dull and boring. My relationship with men is a 1. In social situations where I can potentially meet and talk to a man, I feel frozen. I have no idea what to do.” Barbara used the Second Agreement (“Don’t take anything personally”) to examine a major childhood belief. With the group’s support, she demolished that belief and left it in pieces, finishing with a relationship rating of 9. Her conclusion: “It’s been my experience that the wisdom of the universe is way beyond anything we know. What’s happened to me so far is because it had to happen.” And then, in a shift that amazed us all with her new warmth, openness, and attractiveness, she let the wallflower go. “You say you have no idea what to do with men?” Danny joked. “If you show up like that, you’re not going to have to do anything!” And finally there was Bonnie, who after 34 years was still blaming herself for losing the love of her life. “I just take whatever I can get now,” she said. “I know things will never change. What I really wanted is gone forever.” Ten minutes later, after working with the Fourth Agreement (“Always do your best”), she had clearly seen and dropped her victim story and resolved to live her life now instead of staying stuck in yesteryear. “I can’t change the past,” she said. “But in the future I will do my best to ask for what I want—because I know I deserve it.” By the time they were done with the game, everyone’s relationships had improved more than 50 percent. All with nothing more than a deck of cards, a dash of courage, and a little help from our friends. Of course, each game is unique and different—as unique as the people who play it. And of course, lasting change depends on action and follow-through. Yet each game is governed by the same magic: the magic of people being willing to look at the truth and let go of the lies they’ve been telling themselves, often for decades. And naturally, a skeptic might ask, “What evidence do we have that the game is actually transformative?” Aside from the stories above, my answer is: “Play the game, and you will not only see the evidence; you will be the evidence.” It’s never enough to read about an experience. In the end, only doing it has the ring of truth. Truth be told, we were all feeling a lot more lighthearted after playing the game. The game we’re referring to is The Five Agreements Game: A Chivalry of Relationships, to be published by Findhorn Press in mid-September. If you are interested in playing it, using it as a therapeutic tool with groups, or even becoming a facilitator, below are links both to Amazon.com and to our new website. This should give you all the information you need to light up your life and make the most from this fun and transformative new tool. |
Copyright © 1998 - 2024 Mystic Living Today All rights, including copyright, in the content of these Mystic Living Today web pages are owned or controlled for these purposes by Planet Starz, Inc. Terms of Service Disclaimer and Legal Information For questions or comment, contact Starzcast@mysticlivingtoday.com. Reproduction of this page in any form is not allowed without permission of the author and the owner of this site. All material on this web site, including text, photographs, graphics, code and/or software, are protected by international copyright and trademark laws. Unauthorized use is not permitted. You may not modify, copy, reproduce, republish, upload, post, transmit or distribute, in any manner, the material on this web site. Unless permissions is granted. If you have any questions or problems regarding this site, please e-mail Webmaster. Web site design by: Creative Net FX |