The Dynamics of a Disturbance
When you hear someone saying “I am upset because . . .” are you hearing his or her ego or Authentic Self expressing itself? Since the very expression of pain or disturbance can only occur in the mind and emotions, there can be no doubt that “I am upset because . . .” is an ego experience. And since the ego always wants to be right, it must create a dynamic such that it can be right even in situations when it knows it’s behaving poorly, such as destructive expressions of anger. Thus, “I am upset because . . .” emerges as the perfect solution by which the ego can engage in negative behavior and still be right. How clever! If you say, “I am upset because . . .” and you want to change something so that you would no longer feel upset, where would you seek to intervene? You would no doubt direct your energy into attempting to bring about change at the “because” level. You would logically reason, “If I can change the person or situation upsetting me, I will no longer feel upset.” It makes perfectly good sense. And off you go in an effort to change someone or something out there. Have you noticed that such attempts at effecting outer change, in those rare times that you’re successful, can produce a temporary reduction in upset but rarely produce the long-term equanimity you’re seeking? In the long run, are you ever any happier as a result of experiencing a disruption? Have you ever noticed that when you’re upset and expressing yourself in out-of- balance ways, people often ignore and discount your demands? And even if you are successful in getting others to acquiesce to your annoyance, you’re often left with the collateral damage to the relationship. The “I am upset because . . .” dynamic is so ingrained in most people’s awareness that when we present it, we often hear, “Do you mean there’s an alternative?” Actually, there is! Contrary to popular opinion, might it be that inner disturbance isn’t caused by outer experience? Might it just be the other way around? Might it be that inner, chronic disturbance is being acted out in repeated outer disturbances? And further, might this inner disturbance be “Soul- orchestrated” in service to learning a more direct and healthy approach to addressing the inner disturbance itself? For example, might it be that someone’s disturbance about certain governmental rules, regulations, and laws is actually the surfacing of an unresolved issue with authority? If you don’t understand how disturbance actually works in consciousness, you could easily believe that politicians affiliated with (enter here whichever political party you disagree with) are ruining the country. It would be easy to blame them because you don’t know how to accept responsibility as the author of your experiences, and because it’s so much easier to blame someone else for your upset. Without a working knowledge of how to resolve these disturbances in our consciousness, it’s easy to adopt the above victim-oriented position and experience all the suffering that comes with it. We call this self-created victimization. And, yes, you can certainly take steps to improve social and economic conditions. And, yes, you can work to change laws and the governments that make them. But these outer activities will do little, if anything, to alleviate the inner sense of discouragement and lack of fulfillment. The good news is that there’s nothing to stop you from working on both levels simultaneously. One does not preclude the other. Over the years, we’ve noticed that when an inner disturbance is resolved, someone’s effectiveness in making a positive difference in the world actually improves. In fact, changes often occur around such a person that appear to have nothing to do with anything he or she has done outwardly. Some refer to this occurrence as coincidence. We call it Grace. They Were Very Messy People Susan was a USM student whose in-laws were staying with her for an extended period of time. (This is not necessarily a good idea—but that’s another story.) One Saturday evening, she shared with the class that she was infuriated at her guests because they were very messy people, and she prided herself on keeping her home immaculate. Their sloppiness was driving her crazy. As she put it, “I don’t believe they know the meaning of the word neat.” Susan wanted to work on her disturbance because she was afraid that if she approached her in-laws from an attitude of resentment, she would probably say things she’d later regret. She was also concerned that she might even embarrass her husband—the last thing she wanted to do. What she did want was to approach her spouse’s parents from a balanced and caring place inside of herself. Right then and there, she did a significant piece of inner work, setting in touch with the part inside of her that judges messiness. In the course of the process, Susan had a deep healing experience in which she recognized how her own obsession with neatness and order reflected her desire for control. When she saw this pattern in her own consciousness, she experienced Compassion and Acceptance first for herself and then for her in-laws. She shared that she felt much clearer and in balance with respect to them. Further, she realized, not as a concept but as a new sense of reality: “Just because perceive they are messing up my house doesn’t mean I have to judge them and make them wrong. I can talk this over with my husband in a caring way and request what I’d like. I’m confident he’d be more than willing for us to pay for them to stay at a hotel if my request doesn’t work for them, and I need to check this out with him. But the main thing is, I don’t have to approach them antagonistically. I don’t have to make them wrong. I can communicate my request in a loving way .” Susan wanted to “strike while the iron was hot,” meaning while she was in her newfound clarity. She committed to going home right after class and speaking with her husband in preparation for having an honest heart-to-heart talk with her in-laws about this situation. She promised to report back to us in the morning. As you might imagine, the next day Susan had her hand up first to share, and as she stood up to talk, we were all ears. “You’re not going to believe this! When I got home last night, not only was the house clean, but everything had been put back in its place!” Although she was ready to confront them compassionately and clearly, there was no need. Somehow they’d received the message and responded accordingly on their own. There are those who would explain such an event as a lovely and fortunate coincidence. However, we’ve seen this sort of thing happen so often that the word coincidence simply doesn’t explain the data very well. Rather, we’ve observed that once people successfully do a piece of inner work, they are literally living within a new inner reality, and the outer reality will often come into alignment with it. We believe this is what Ralph Waldo Emerson meant in the talk he delivered to the Phi Beta Kappa Society, at Harvard University on August 31, 1837. In the ending lines of his well-known and well-received address entitled “The American Scholar,” he told the audience, “ . . . if the single man plant himself indomitably on his instincts, and there abide, the huge world will come round to him.” To see how this approach fits into Spiritual Psychology and why it’s so essential, let’s consider “I am upset because . . .” in the light of levels of consciousness: — I am is the only true statement that can ever be uttered. It’s a declaration from the Soul identifying itself. Anything more will be commentary about what the Soul is experiencing, mostly through the ego’s perceptions. — Upset is a description of the state of the ego, small self, or personality. It is experienced as an emotional state and is usually what’s meant when someone says, “I am upset.” Actually, upon closer examination you’ll find that emotional reactions are simply physiological responses to your thoughts based upon your perceptions and beliefs, as previously stated. — Because is the method the ego uses to point at whatever it perceives as causing its disturbance. People tend to think they need a cause to blame so that they can justify their inner state of disturbance, as well as any resulting behavior: “What so and so did is a good reason for the way I feel and a justification for my actions, which they caused by whatever it was they did that I didn’t like.” Here’s the short course in how it works: You perceive through your perceptual filters, which are determined by what you believe to be true—your definitions of reality. These definitions are usually built upon limiting interpretations of early experience. The interpretations stem directly from your individual spiritual curriculum, which predisposes you to see in a particular way. Thus, something happens, your mind interprets it as good or bad according to its previously determined definitions regarding such experiences, and you react emotionally. Your reaction is one of happiness if you’ve defined the event as good or of upset if you’ve defined the event as bad. The intensity of the emotional reaction, positive or negative, will be congruent with the level of importance the ego has attached to whatever has happened. As we’ve said, disturbances are always found in the mind and emotions. Later in the book, we’ll go into greater detail about how to use this awareness in service to issue resolution. In fact, we’ll be presenting you with a comprehensive step-by-step healing process. Distracted from Without or Within? Have you ever noticed that sometimes a particular thing bothers you while other times the very same thing doesn’t? Doesn’t this give the game away? Doesn’t this unmask the false claim of cause and effect paraded in “I am upset because . . .”? And have you also noticed that, even after you’ve fussed and fumed and blamed and condemned someone for “upsetting” you, the unrest doesn’t go away? That surely reveals inner disturbance to be a chronic, internal state rather than a one-time, outer-caused occurrence. Agitation also appears to be cumulative in that it builds in consciousness until it reaches a point where it can no longer be contained. At that point you’re set to blow up at the slightest provocation. Just prior to your blowup, unbeknownst to you, you’ve actually been walking around looking for something to become upset about. At such times, you’re an “upset in search of a good because.” Those whose inner disturbances are easily triggered and intense are said to be on a“short fuse.” We try to avoid such people as much as possible so as not to become a target for their blame. They always have a good reason for their chronic suffering, and they tend to be very righteous about their victim position. Can you see how the “I am upset because . . .” approach (philosophy) erroneously assigns power to another person? Think about it. If an annoyance is externally caused, where is the power? If “I am upset because you cut me off in traffic” or “I am upset because you left the cap off the toothpaste,” then I have disempowered myself. I have effectively given my power over to you, and you can disturb my peace anytime you want by simply engaging in the behavior I’ve defined as objectionable. When you think about all the things that have frustrated you lately, you may begin to become aware of how unwittingly you’ve disempowered and victimized yourself. By engaging in “I am upset because . . .” you’re giving your power away to others. So what can you do? For starters, you can accept the possibility that, whether you know it or not, you’re evolving spiritually. Further, learning to utilize all of life’s experiences for spiritual purposes, perhaps the most important of which is the resolution of issues—anything that disturbs your peace presents you with a golden opportunity. As stated in the third principle of Seeing Through Soul-Centered Eyes, physical-world reality exists for the purpose of spiritual evolution. Attention: You’ve Just Entered a Reconstruction Zone One of the hallmarks of Spiritual Psychology is the recognition that what disturbs you is as clear an indicator of your Soul’s curriculum as you’re likely to ever get—once you learn to see it within that context. When you become upset, it’s as if life has just waved a big red flag signaling: “Attention! This is it! Look here! Here’s the inner work that’s next for you to do. Here’s an opportunity to heal the place inside where this disturbance resides. Don’t look outside. What happened is simply a triggering device intended to surface the disturbance. Take back your ownership of the disturbance and use it to heal the place inside that’s in pain and separation. By so doing, you reclaim your power.” In our work over the years, we’ve found that as people develop in spiritual awareness, they come to the realization that it’s their Souls, the very essence of who or what they truly are, that’s bringing forward whatever it is that they need to experience next in service to their growth. Each negative feeling can actually be considered a spiritual opportunity to work with it and possibly heal or resolve it for the very last time. Of course, like all good things in life, this is easier said than done. Most of us haven’t been brought up this way. Rather, we’ve been trained to live an “I am upset because . . .” life without even being aware that there’s another possibility. People actually believe that their core definitions of reality are the real reality. They avoid awareness of the subjective nature of personal reality. Rather than saying, “I’m currently perceiving myself as a victim,” they’re more apt to say, “No, I really am a victim because such and such happened to me. That’s really how it is!” or “Get real! It’s just the way things are!” To be successful in your endeavor of spiritual awakening, you need to change priorities and turn your focus away from an obsession with Goal Line reality as all there is. You must dare to journey into the very structure of your consciousness and carefully examine the dynamics of how the ego functions. However, you need to do your examination within the context of Spiritual Psychology, for you’ll never graduate to inner Peace and Love by attempting to intervene solely at the because level, since it’s the ego’s domain. Drs. Ron and Mary Hulnick are pioneers and worldwide leaders in the field of Spiritual Psychology, as well as Teachers and Facilitators of Awakening in Consciousness. They are renowned educators, authors, and the Founding Faculty and Co-Directors of the University of Santa Monica (USM), where they have designed, developed, and facilitated Educational Programs for the past 35 years. Both are licensed Marriage and Family Therapists, and Mary is also a licensed Clinical Psychologist. They are the authors of Loyalty to Your Soul: The Heart of Spiritual Psychology, published by Hay House and available in 12 countries and 8 languages and Remembering the Light Within: A Course in Soul-Centered Living. www.ronandmaryhulnick.com Ron & Mary Hulnick |
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