Roseline (Roz) Salazar As a child, I always dreamed of joining the military to serve my country and wear the uniform proudly. Two of my brothers inspired me as they both were in the Hawaii Army National Guard. I admired them and enjoyed flipping through their photo albums of different trainings they attended. I loved the fact that they were to travel to number of locations not many people have the opportunity to go to. I made it my goal to join the military and travel the world.
After I completed basic training and technical school to perform my future duties as an airman, I was really glad to travel on to my first base. I was greeted with open arms by a number of young airmen just like myself and thought wow, I’m going to love being in the military. I made friends quickly both during and off work. I got along well with my co-workers and then hung out with friends both in the dorms and off base. We went on road trips to Canada, south to Fargo, North Dakota, church trips for singles and many other tours the base had to offer. This was just the start to my so-called wonderful Air Force journey. Some of us were single, some were married but still, we all had a wonderful time. I was young and happy to be on my own and with that, I started trusting a lot of my friends. I felt the feelings were mutual. The more we hung out, the more comfortable and trusting we were towards each other. We were a big happy family, or so I thought. As time went on, some of our friends started relocating to other bases, some got married so we eventually started hanging out with a smaller group, eventually just two or three of us, then on our own. I got married to a wonderful man, who ended up relocating to an overseas base for a year. My then husband told our mutual friend to take care of me while he was gone. This friend, we shall call me Greg, ended up deploying and trusted me to take care of his apartment, vehicle and his belongings. Soon after Greg returned, he wanted to thank me and brought over dinner to my house. It started off well, but not long after, I started feeling dizzy and eventually passed out. My memory was vague, but I do remember opening my eyes and seeing him on me. The next morning, I was in so much pain thinking, how could he do this to me…. I immediately called him but got no answer. Two days later, he called me back and asked me to dinner saying he wanted to talk to me, so I agreed. Friday night came, we went to dinner. Dinner started off great, we talked about his deployment and his plans to relocated to his next base. Once we got done, we walked to his car and sat there for a while. He opened up to me, asking me if I remembered anything that happened the night when he came over upon returning from his deployment. I told him I felt dizzy and passed out, also asked him if he was on top of me. He told me “I raped you…”. I was devastated at the same time, relieved and angry. I asked him why… He said I wouldn’t give in, so he did things his way. I wished I thought about getting a recorder but at the same time I was in denial and didn’t even think of it. We left and headed back to base. On the way back, he told me no one will ever find out and no one will believe me. He added how he’s very popular and charming around the women so they will hate and spite me if I ever said anything. I was so angry and hurt, thinking I will do exactly what he told me not to do, turn him in. I was so sure someone would listen and help me, but I was wrong. Our mutual friends turned on me, saying they don’t want to get involved and ruin any friendships. Soon after they took his side and left me all alone. Although some believed me because they also said he was a lady’s man, they told me that I should have known better. There goes my family, those whom I trusted. I filed a complaint, waited months for the investigation to be done. Since it was just Greg and I, it became my word against his. All I had was his confession which of course he denied, and he really cleaned up after the mess so there was no solid proof. I was beyond angry, devastated and hurt thinking the system and everyone else failed me. They let me down. I felt so dirty more so because I learned of how many and whom Greg slept with. With Greg and majority of our mutual friends being in the medical field, I ended up going to the base chaplain since he was non-medical and non-biased. Our base chaplain and his assistant came over to my home to talk and comfort me, but at the time nothing seemed to work, and I just felt like a complete idiot. He offered some really good advice and one that I didn’t agree on back then which helped me now is, that I have to find peace within myself, accept what has happened and that justice may never come out of this. He also added that when I am ready, I will find it in my heart to forgive myself, forgive those who wronged me and live my life to the fullest. It took me years to get over this awful experience, but I didn’t let it get me down. Instead, I continued therapy, earned my undergraduate degree and became a commissioned officer, which was my childhood dream. Over the years, I lost trust for everyone and I still have trust problems. I became more careful of whom I associated myself with and who I confided in. I no longer considered having a group of friends, instead I kept my circle really small. I would talk to my mom often, she’d pray with me and remind me to stay strong and do fun things with caution. This incident ruined my marriage as I wasn’t able to trust this wonderful man I married as he said I couldn’t fend for myself. After our divorce, I felt more at peace knowing that I am leaving the past in the past. I moved on to my next base as a commissioned officer and vowed I will not make this mistake again. As much as I want to say this was the last, the truth is, I had a number of similar but different experiences. Always remember to stay strong and vigilant. No matter how careful we are, we don’t always see what’s coming at us. Take care, God speed… https://roselinesalazar.com My interview with Roz on StarzPsychicsNetwork: https://www.blogtalkradio.com/starzcast/2020/09/17/natalie-talks-live-with-veteran-author-roseline-f-pagala-salazar |
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