Fact of life: Everything Mother Nature produces must also reproduce to keep their species alive. It is interesting how each species has their own way of making sure their brand stays on earth. I mean look at the lady Praying Mantis... She's just fine out on her own. She has no apparent need for anyone to 'be there for her', but when her mother-nature need to reproduce presents itself she allows a male to sniff around and then, with her approval, he goes behind her and does his business while she eats his head off. I often wonder if 'he' is aware of that action being the consequence of his climbing on! Because if he is, his urge to have sex is stronger than his urge to live! Yes, Nature often does not allow reproduction to be a choice. Human women are hormonally programmed to seek a mate. Human men seek sex. Women look at a man wondering: 'Does he like me? Will he love me? Will we spend our life together?' Men look at a woman and wonder: 'Will she have sex with me?'
I knocked on George's door seeking work, not a relationship. I owned my own cleaning business and he had called for an interview so we set up a time to talk. It was a beautiful area a few miles out of town with housing built to fit in with the natural forest instead of the other way around. There were dirt and gravel roads leading to nice homes that were just allowed to be part of the forest. I found a place to park between a couple of bushes and as I opened the car door I was met nose to nose with a huge dog! Luckily I am a dog person so I started talking to the huge Golden Retriever as I opened the car door and started walking toward the house. He trotted along with me and was standing right next to me as George opened the door. I was impressed. George was around 50, had a handsome smile, a nice clean house, and a dish-towel in his hand. I have to say this meeting taught me that approaching someone with a business state of mind helps balance the situation even if there is an obvious 'click'. I used this logic for the rest of my life when it came to dealing with men. Starting everything with a business point of view instead of attraction energy brings a great balance if more does come along.
And eventually more did come along, but again, it was a caring situation based on a business agreement that set a much more even tone than if it was based on if the emotions were balanced enough to benefit both people and meet all needs and expectations. We talked about it. We set up a schedule for cleaning the house and how much would be charged and the whole situation had the solid base of agreement between two people who obviously were attracted to each other but did not want to leave the details to chance.
After about 3 months of cleaning and fun dating George said he saw no reason why I should not move in to his house. We were both business owners, he cared for me, he trusted me, we both knew for a fact that each of us were in to making agreements to take the guesswork out of everything, so it was logical that I move in to help both of us financially. We sat down and came to an agreement on just about any detail one can imagine from me having my own room for my business and art work and my own phone line, to him paying all of the house expenses if I cleaned the house and bought (and cooked) all the food. Not only did we like each other and get along great, we were two fun business owners who had a deal with a lot of benefits! It was great having everything agreed on, no guesswork.
It was a wonderful almost two years. The home was super great, we both worked full time so most days we caught up in the evening as we sat in the wonderful hot tub on the deck right outside the main bedroom talking about our day and the plans for the next one. There were no other expectations! Just two people who were enjoying the same flow of energy.
But, of course, nothing stays the same. Things eventually started to go a bit sideways with my business and I was no longer able to totally meet my end of the money side of things. We were not getting along as great as we once did for several reasons so when I received a call that would require me to move I felt it might be time to bow out. That evening I told him about the offer and asked him: "Do you want me to stay?" He sat there for a minute looking puzzled then said: "I don't know". I grinned and said: "It sounds like this business deal is over, I am giving my notice." We parted friends. Every time I was on the road going through his town I stopped to visit. We remained great friends for the rest of his wonderful, loving, intelligent life.
This experience taught me we should never go into a relationship with anyone unless the realistic details of all expectations are discussed over a good beer and some chips. Love can never overcome reality. All girl children should be taught they are a person and to look at what they want to be as an individual before allowing the natural urge of reproduction to dictate their actions... and that we are, indeed, smarter than the Praying Mantis!
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