100 Great Practices For Relationships

      

By Linda and Charlie Bloom

Linda and Charlie Bloom How to grow a great one. When my husband Charlie and I conducted our study, Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truths from Real Couples about Lasting Love, these are the practices that respondents told us had held them in good sted to grow their exemplary relationships. As you read through the list, assess your own strengths and growing edge. Congratulate yourself for the areas where you shine. This list will assist you in identifying where your work is still required to become eligible for a great relationship. 1. Cultivating vision by asking yourself, “What available? What’s possible here? 2. Risking by growing courage and assertiveness 3. Showing up for what's happening 4. Accepting/Letting Go/Surrender to what is 5. Staying on top of incompletions 6. Being able to change channels is flexibility 7. Being able to distinguish truth from imagination 8. Letting go of guilt and see its source 9. Allowing yourself to receive and be supported: Being a gracious receiver 10. Creating a community of support by accepting physical and emotional support and connection 11. Practicing gratitude, especially when you’re resentful or feeling self-pity 12. Practicing compassion for yourself and others when there is mistreatment or unkindness 13. Being open and vulnerable 14. Having trusting relationships with others who can see what you can't 15. Telling the truth 16. Refusing to lie and refusing to lie to yourself 17. Practicing patience when we are tired of waiting 18. Regularly checking in with yourself and with your partner 19. Setting boundaries and stopping before you get to your limit 20. Not withholding love 21. Willingness to feel the pain 22. Creating a close primary relationship through giving and loving abundantly 23. Living with authenticity 24. Willingness to feel 25. Letting others know how you feel 26. Acknowledging vulnerability, fears, needs, and desires 27. Dis-identifying with the ego/body 28. Taking solace and comfort wherever you find it 29. Creating work that you love and that heals you as you do it 30. Being involved with your kids' friends 31. Outgrowing the need for others' approval 32. Not taking on others' projections 33. Practicing acceptance of the little pains and losses 34. Using all experiences in life to deepen spiritual practice 35. Staying current and complete with everyone in your life, all the time 36. Trusting the truth of your experience 37. Refusing to accept a victim identity 38. Taking responsibility for everything in your life 39. Refusing to engage in blame of self or others 40. Staying away from bad therapists 41. Staying out of the mainstream 42. Making a big space for the dark shadow, to include your craziness, weakness, helplessness, vulnerability, hatred, ignorance, and prejudice 43. Taking care of your body 44. Cultivating self-love and self-acceptance 45. Practicing humility 46. Knowing how to replenish and refuel and do it! 47. Trusting your body not your mind 48. Knowing what feels right and going after it 49. Continuing to give no matter what 50. Working if you can; if you can't, don't 51. Doing whatever it takes to get you through the night 52. Practicing generosity of spirit 53. Finding something to be grateful for always 54. Accepting love from others even if you doubt you are worthy or deserving 55. Avoiding comparisons 56. Reducing attachments to preferences 57. Finding the teachings and blessings in everything 58. Saying "yes" to everything life brings you 59. Living in such a way as to be worthy of trust and respect 60. Participating fully in grief-work 61. Experiencing feelings and emotions, expressing, acknowledging feelings through journaling, group-work, therapy, and looking for opportunities to communicate feelings 62. Living with mindfulness, presence, meditation 63. Finding your courage, risk challenging yourself and pressing the edge 64. Going outside of your comfort zone 65. Asking for help, requesting support 66. Containing or holding feelings (this is not repressing or suppressing them) 67. Expressing spontaneously 68. Checking in with self and other 69. Checking your intention, stating intention 70. Taking down-time or soul-time 71. Living a life of service, contribution, volunteerism, generosity, giving 72. Committing to compassionate self-care 73. Drawing boundaries 74. Saying “no” without explanation, justification, rationalization or excuses 75. Uncovering and recognizing the fear 76. Making requests 77. Only making agreements you are committed to keeping 78. Going on a “should" fast 79. Checking in and only doing what you can do without feeling obligated 80. Doing only what you want to do, rather than acting from a sense of duty or obligation. If there isn’t a desire, don’t do it 81. Playing. Doing activities for no reason other than they provide fun or pleasure 82. Looking at your motives and intentions with keen self-examination 83. Witnessing in the state of non-judging awareness 84. Allowing yourself solitude 85. Spending time in nature 86. Forgiving when you’ve been wronged or wronged another. Forgiving everyone 87. Breathing consciously 88. Identifying and cultivating and strengthening talents 89. Setting goals. What do you want to experience? How often? 90. Slowing down and examining the fear of slowing down 91. Holding the tension of the opposites 92. Withholding opinions, advice, and philosophy unless it is solicited 93. Taking time outs such as, “I need a moment to think about that.” 94. Declining requests and invitations 95. Finding and honoring your own pace and rhythm, rather than going along with others 96. Practicing non-judgment by going on a "blame" fast . This will prompt learning to distinguish the “judge” from your authentic self 97. Building strength, both physical and intellectual 98. Discovering the gold in the shadow and befriend it rather than resist it 99. Looking for the growth opportunity in each breakdown (A breakdown is any situation, which involves a disappointment in expectations of self or others or circumstances. Seeing it as a means of strengthening specific character traits.) 100. Becoming a better/more loving/stronger/ more whole person. Linda and Charlie Bloom's bio: Married since 1972, Linda and Charlie Bloom have been working with groups, individuals, couples and organizations to enhance the quality of their relationships and communication skills since 1975. They both have Master’s degrees in Clinical Social Work and have lectured, led seminars and provided consultation at universities and learning institutes throughout the United States as well as internationally. They have written and published three books, Happily Ever After…and 39 Other Myths about Love: Breaking Through to the Relationship of Your Dreams, 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last, Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Stories from Real Couples about Lasting Love, and That Which Doesn’t Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger in the Broken Places. Their organization, Bloomwork is dedicated to promoting healthy, fulfilling, and successful relationships for individuals, couples and organizations. They have served as psychotherapists, marriage counselors, consultants and seminar leaders since 1975. In addition to their academic and professional training, the Blooms’ expertise in the field of relationships stems from experience in the crucible of their own committed partnership of over 45 years. Their best-selling book, 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last has been translated into several languages and distributed world-wide. Since its publication in 2004 it has sold over 100,000 copies. https://www.bloomwork.com