This time I really have a hard time getting started. I feel like being in a state of transformation. Energies seem to shift and change. Don´t get me wrong - I´m doing good. My job is fine, of course, there is always something, nothing serious.
I´ve been working really hard on my spiritual journey and evolution. This included some changes and adjustments in my approach to myself, people, and life in general. I did my shadow work. Oh man, I´ve been in dark places, believe me.
Overall I´m in a very good place right now. Feeling good, having my successes, controlling my temper is much easier and for the first time, I can leave my job behind when I´m off.
My creativity flows, my health is fine. Honestly, I can´t remember having been in such a stable period at any time in my life.
That is pretty much, what I´ve been asking and manifesting for … but something is missing, it doesn´t feel right.
Talking to friends, I´ve learned most of them were or are going through this. One of the side effects seems to be that we had to face ourselves. The isolation, the uncertainty, it threw us back to our true self. Some more, some less. Of course, we had our daily duties, in or outside the house. But we also had more time to think, to connect with our close family, we learned to value what we have and what we miss, and how we deal with it. Not the big losses, not the obvious.
I know people that have a really tough time, being isolated. They don´t know what to do with themselves. They miss interactions with others, are depressed.
Talking about myself, I didn´t suffer as much from isolation. I´ve been in solitude before. I never get bored, having my art, Social Media, I read a lot. So far I am fine.
Even before Covid, I was very aware of our limited resources. Have and had a lot of veggies and fruit growing on my balcony. I have storage, so it´s no big deal not to go grocery shopping.
But suddenly, a few days ago it hit me, out of the blue. My birthday is around the corner, and I realized that it will be the loneliest I´ve ever had. No co-workers throwing a party, no one celebrating with me on my balcony with cocktails. Last year I was in rehab and we were bowling and had a blast. I had an exhibition a few days later and the future was bright. I even started to consider having a partner, the first time in a long time. Enjoyed flirting.
Today I work alone in my new job, my closest friends live in the USA and Spain. No exhibitions, now workshops, no gallery parties.
I felt lonely, abandoned. For the first time. - I feel robbed. I feel the freedom to choose stolen from me.
It´s the small things I´m missing. On my way home I often had a cup of coffee in a cafe on the way. I´ve never been out at night a lot. Occasionally going to the cinema or a cocktail with friends, or a beer in a pub. Now that´s not an option. The decision isn´t mine anymore. And that´s what bothers me most.
After a long video chat with my Bestie and a glass of whiskey and tears, I´m fine again.
She said something, that sums it up really well: “We all had and have to adjust.”
Simple as that. We had to adjust to the situation. The good and the bad sides. People are caring more for each other. They are more responsible with resources. Families spend more time together. People work and upgrade their houses or apartments. Find new ways to make money.
I had to discover new ways to express, to make art. The supplies are harder to get and more expensive. And as I barely sell, paintings pile up in my living room. So I found a new way to create digital art. It is beautiful. First, it was just fun. But the first prints I held in my hands blew me out of my shoes. They touched me in an unexpected way.
It´s another level of creativity. I take pictures of photos or paintings I made, and work on them.You can see some of them here.
And I found a new way of selling. I joined a platform where my designs can be printed on multiple surfaces. From Shirts to mugs or water bottles.
I adjusted to the better. And my birthday may not be as lonely as I expect. I will be chatting with my friends, not at once, but one after the other. I will treat myself to a nice dinner and a glass of wine. And I know my next one will be a blast. I have big plans.
What I don´t know: How to find a man in this menace? Did anybody? Any suggestions? Write me on IG, I´m open to ideas.
See you next month !
You may reach Ellen at : email@example.com on Instagram: ellenberlin1
Bio: Ellen Hofrath-Stovall was born in 1965
She is living in Berlin/Germany
2 Daughters, 3 grandchildren
Painting since 2012, self-educated
several exhibitions in cafes and restaurants
Reproduction of all or any part of material of Ellen Hofrath©, including previous posts, without the express written permission from Planet Starz, Inc. is strictly forbidden.
**Note from Natalie: Ellen is someone I discovered on Instagram and immediately we became friends. I thought what a nice addition to the ezine this would be to have a column for her.
Enjoy her work every month here at Mystic Living Today**
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