David Essel, M.S.,O.M
The top four keys needed to turn your relationship around!
Relationships are in trouble.
But on the other hand, they’ve always been.
When we look back in time, there’s never been an era in the existence of the history of man where there weren’t struggles between men and women in love, relationships and in marriage.
So what do we do? How do we turn this around?
Bitterness… Impatience… Anger… Frustration… Passive aggressive behavior… Shutting down… Acting out… Addictions on the rise…..
For the past 42 years as a counselor and number one best selling author, I have been so blessed to experience incredible turnarounds in relationships that seemed doomed.
Couples that have been together for two months that were at each other‘s throat‘s or couples that have been together for 40 years that couldn’t even be in the same room, we were able to help them with the tips below to re-create love, to let go of stress, and to experience their best selves ever!
Let’s take a look at just four of the most important keys that could be used to help turn a struggling relationship around:
Number one. Complementary activities together. It might be landscaping, going to theaters, playing golf, tennis, boating, fishing, scrapbooking!
In other words, couples that have at least one activity per week that they do as a team have a tendency to work better together in their love relationships then individuals that do not have a common activity that they do every week together.
Number two. Separate activities. Now this might seem oxymoronic, where above I just said it’s crucially important for a couple struggling to have an activity they do together in collaboration, it’s also important that couples have something that they do on their own, without their partner, that brings them joy and happiness.
So maybe when one part of the couple is fishing the other one is taking dance lessons or when one couple is in the gym working out the other one is practicing their photography or when one person is so engaged in sports the other one is doing volunteer work in their community.
And what’s the purpose of having a separate interest in regards to saving a love relationship?
it’s really quite simple: when you have separate interest and separate activities you’re able to bring more energy back to your partner, by describing the type of joy or fun or accomplishment that you had in the activity that is different than theirs.
And of course, they also then can bring in new energy into your relationship by sharing their experiences outside of what you might be interested in.
Number three. Couples who read together, stay together. I know this sounds like something that you would do in grammar school, where one person reads to the other person, but I actually have had huge success in my counseling business by having couples choose books, it might be like one of ours “Love and relationship secrets… That everyone needs to know!“
We have our clients take turns reading 4 to 5 pages to their partner, and the partner who is being read to will take notes of the important topics discussed to share after the first partner is done reading.
This exercise puts everyone on the same page, it gives us conversations to talk about, and it allows us to experience a loving activity with our partner that is actually aimed at improving our communication skills, our intimacy skills as well as our skills of letting those items that push our buttons go… Letting them go without having to discuss and argue everything in the world that pops through our brains.
Number four. Help may be needed. If you find yourself struggling on a regular basis, if you find yourself arguing once or twice a week and it gets pretty deep and pretty serious, this is a time to reach out for help.
A counselor, therapist, relationship coach, minister, priest or any other type of mental health professional can add insight to solutions to an individual or a couples struggles because they are removed emotionally from the challenges and can objectively give thoughts on how to help the couple move forward.
Over 20 years ago we created something called “the adrenaline addiction cycle in love“, which is one of the most difficult patterns in love relationships to break.
When couples argue on a regular basis adrenaline surges through the brain, which makes us irritated, impatient, angry and maybe even rageful.
When the argument calms down the adrenaline goes away, but if it’s repeated regularly there becomes a “withdrawal from the adrenaline spike“, which creates an opportunity for another argument to ensue.
When the body is used to getting its jolt of adrenaline every couple days through arguing, and then it goes through the withdrawal phase and begins looking for an opportunity to be released, even if your partner just rolls her eyes it could be enough to begin World War III!
This concept of arguing and adrenaline and addiction is not spoken about enough, but we have seen so many of our couples understand the concept and shatter the argument and its cycle and return to a loving space with each other, which is what everyone wants don’t we?
Follow the four key is above and watch your relationship begin to heal today. If I can help you one on one, with sessions via phone or Skype from anywhere in the world contact me at https://www.davidessel.com
David Essel‘s work is highly endorsed by individuals like the late Wayne Dyer, and celebrity Jenny McCarthy says “David Essel is the new leader of the positive thinking movement.“
His work as a counselor and minister has been verified by so many different organizations like, psychology today, Theravive, Therapy Tribe, as well as http://www.marriage.com who verified David as one of the top relationship counselors and experts in the world!
Reach out to David today at https://www.davidessel.com
David Essel | Author | Counselor | Motivational speaker
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