Compassionate Repair

      

By Shajen Joy Aziz

Learning not to care about someone's actions or lack of action toward yourself is never easy. Yet, the pathway to creating healthy boundaries is about self-care. Whenever you think about how or what they are not doing, take a moment and do something nice for yourself. Yes, you also want others to do these things for you, and that journey begins with you. The more you are clear about your boundaries and honoring them (self-respect) - as well as what you will accept or not - the easier it is to generate your own life—in a new way: one that is filled with love, reciprocity, and respect -a life you love living.    Attending to boundaries and self-respect in our intimate relationships are crucial to repairing- You see when respect in relating with yourself or others isn't present consistently, the experiences leave you confused and lacking clarity. When this occurs your responses will not be at their best as they arise from triggers. Please know this isn't part of you that is always seen; it is however the part that is protecting you because when emotional boundaries are stripped or manipulated, you feel as though your only choice is to – Fight (attack), Flight (run), or Fawn (freeze). For most of us – the fight is the natural response. I urge you to breathe deeply and use your compassionate voice to be safe, powerful, and free.   Within reciprocity intimacy, and love can begin to flourish, either again or anew. Reciprocity in relationships is about discussions and agreements on what relationships mean to you. What does love mean to you? Often, we engage in deep relationships with people who say they love us, and I often wonder and am more curious about what that means. We are meaning making machines - what is normal to many may not be to all. As you begin to enter new relationships or are repairing the one(s) you are in – have the hard conversations based on compassion, mutual respect, and well-being. Ask each other what "I love you" in a relationship means, what does reciprocity mean? Unpack these words together and discuss how to continue to love ourselves and others in the face of differences, and disharmony, and how to bring it back to open dialogue and compassionate discussions leading to repair.   How to repair   Choose an agreed time, place, and agenda so no one feels like there will be surprises in the conversation. Be clear and compassionate in your communication, and try not to blame, judge, or make statements that cause harm to the relationship. This can be hard when triggered, so working on yourself is essential in this journey we call life.  Personal responsibility and ongoing accountability are part of the repairing process when generating new outcomes in a relationship. Both parties must take personal accountability for actions and reactions and create an agreed-upon way to handle disagreements and upsets moving forward.  Remember, no one. will be perfect with this and it will take practice for all involved. The more you engage in this ritual with one another, the more you notice these times turn into special dates laced with intimate moments created by mutual respect and love.   Warmly, Shajen   Shajen Joy Aziz Award-Winning International Best-selling Author, Educator, Counselor Discover Yourself ~ It's Why I'm Here  https://www.discoverthegift.com https://www.alivingcurriculum.com   https://www.linkedin.com/in/shajen-cheyenne-joy-aziz-m-ed-m-a-35053715/ https://www.facebook.com/shajenjoyaziz https://www.instagram.com/shajenjoy https://www.twitter.com/shajenjoyaziz   Discover The Gift  - It's Why We're Here Published in 28 countries and 18 languages Author and Co-creator  Director of Education and Training The Book, The Movie, The Life-Coaching Certification Program Click this link and Meet Shayen here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4ymzLtzqno WATCH THE MOVE ->https://www.gaia.com/video/discover-gift AMAZON: https://www.amazon.com/Discover-Gift-Shajen-Joy-Aziz   https://amzn.to/1qCX2Qa