Having Healthy Boundaries Is Like Playing Tennis

      

By Barbara Berger

Having healthy boundaries and treating people with respect are important ingredients in every good relationship – whether it be with our partners, children, parents, colleagues or friends. But what do healthy boundaries actually look like in practice? A good way to visualize healthy boundaries (which lots of my clients find very helpful) is to see every relationship like playing a game of tennis – with each person staying on their own side of the net. In other words, each person in a relationship is and has 50% of the playing field! (Nice to realize.) When we play tennis, you don’t just hop over the net and play from the other person’s side of the net. No, you stay on your own side of the net. The same holds true in good relationships. In other words, when we have healthy boundaries, we treat each other with respect and each person stays on their own side of the net. We don’t just jump over the net to play from the other person’s side of the net.   Which brings us to boundaries and boundary violations: The most common boundary violation is when we hop over the net (so to speak) and give another person advice when that person didn’t ask us for our advice or opinion. This is the most common boundary violation of all. And so many people who indulge in this kind of behavior are simply not aware of what they are doing and also do actually have good intentions. But unfortunately, this type of behavior is often the reason why many relationships and/or friendships are not working. Besides giving people advice when they didn’t ask for it, other common boundary violations include such behavior as judging other people’s way of living and doing things as ”wrong” or claiming to know better than another person how he or she should live or think or feel. When we have healthy boundaries, we respect other people’s intelligence and their right to figure out things for themselves. In short: We stay on our side of the net.   Exceptions to the above There are, however, some situations when we’re not supposed to stay on our side of the net. And that’s when we have joint projects together. For example, when two people share a home, or have children together, or when people share a project at work with a colleague. Then both people are involved, so each person has as much right as the other person to have their ideas and preferences as to how to do things. In cases like this when we have joint projects, it’s more a question of how we can communicate respectfully with each other and reach workable compromises when we have different ideas about how to do things, for example when it comes to dealing with our home, family, kids, summer vacation or joint work projects.   Want to work with me on improving your communication skills and having healthy boundaries? If you find yourself challenged in one or several of your relationships and would like to work to improve your ability to have healthy boundaries and communicate constructively with the people around you, I suggest you take a look at my latest book “Healthy Models for Relationships – The Basic Principles Behind Good Relationships with Your Partner, Family, Parents, Children, Friends, Colleagues and All the Other People in Your Life.” Also, if you would like to have a talk with me, I do private sessions with people from around the world on Zoom, Skype, Messenger or telephone. My fees for sessions are very reasonable and are based on your income. You can read more about my private sessions here.   Let us cultivate respect in all our relationships! _____  To see all my many articles on MysticLivingToday, click here:  http://beamteam.com/en/barbara/barbara_berger_articles_mystic_living_today.html About Barbara Berger American-born Barbara Berger is the best-selling author of “The Road to Power – Fast Food for the Soul” (published in 30 languages), “Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life” (published in 21 languages), “The Awakening Human Being – A Guide to the Power of Mind”, and "Find and Follow Your Inner Compass".  Barbara’s latest books include “Healthy Models for Relationships – the Basic Principles Behind Good Relationships” and her autobiography entitled “My Road to Power – Sex, Trauma & Higher Consciousness”.  Barbara lives in Copenhagen, Denmark and works as coach and therapist, helping people around the globe come into alignment with their own true power. For more about Barbara see her Web site: http://www.beamteam.com