It's Not What You Say – But How You Say It

      

By Barbara Berger

Barbara Berger   When it comes to our ability to communicate constructively and effectively with our fellow human beings, it can help to understand that there are two distinctly different aspects or sides of all of our communications. These two aspects are: What we are talking about or communicating about (the specific subject matter or topic) The way in which we are talking or communicating These are two distinctly different sides of all communications. There's the specific topic or subject itself and then there is the way in which it is communicated. So let's examine this mechanism.    To start with, it's important to understand that the reality is that there are a million, billion different things, topics, and subjects that we human beings can talk about. We can talk about almost everything and anything under the sun – and we do. Moreover, when we have a more mature and realistic understanding of the human condition, we can also see that we human beings disagree about almost everything that we can possibly find to talk about. That's just the way things are.  That's the reality. People disagree about things all the time. And the fact that we often disagree arises because every human being is different and unique. Each and every one of us is having our own unique experience of this thing called Life, based on our background, upbringing and programming. Which is why we can understand that even in the exact same situation, different people can have very different reactions, experiences, and very different opinions about the exact same event or circumstance. This is because each person has his or her own way of relating to whatever is going on, based on their background, thoughts and belief systems.    When we understand this, we can also understand that it is not very realistic to expect that we, human beings, should always agree about a lot of things. Rather it is a lot more sane and realistic to expect disagreement – and then learn how to navigate wisely in our interactions with other people based on this reality. This is what I call "getting real" about being a human being. Getting real is understanding that we are all different and that we are probably going to disagree about a lot of things. But this doesn't mean we can't live together in relative peace and harmony, especially if we understand the basic mechanisms of good communications.    So it is vitally important to understand that yes, there are a million different topics we can talk about – BUT then there is also the way in which we talk to each other.  There are respectful ways of talking and communicating with our fellow human beings and there are disrespectful ways. Which is why it is crucial to understand that there is a difference between what we say and how we say it.    So let's look at the ways in which we speak to each other about all the different topics we may be speaking together about. Again, in this connection, it is vital to understand that the way in which we speak to each other can, and often does, vary greatly from person to person. But unfortunately, this important aspect of our communications is often overlooked by many people, leading to all kinds of difficulties.    So what do I mean by the various ways in which we speak to each other? I mean, for example, regardless of the subject matter, what kind of language are we using? Are the words that we are using respectful or disrespectful towards the person/people we are talking to? Does our language show or demonstrate that we are listening to and recognizing the other person's right to their opinions and beliefs? Our language tells a lot about our level of respect and openness. Moreover, what about our tone of voice? Is it moderate and pleasant or is it loud and aggressive? Are we calling the person names? (This involves both the words and the tone of voice.) Are we using curse words? (Again words and tone of voice.) Once more, it is important to understand that our tone of voice communicates so much about the level of respect we have for the other person/people involved.    And what about our body language? Are we relaxed and open or tense and angry? It is important to recognize that our body language always sends a strong and clear message to the people we are communicating with (whether we like it or not). Plus there is our overall energy. Is our energy pleasant, relaxed and inviting or are we feeling defensive or aggressive? Does our energy convey that we are open to discussion and that we honestly believe we can find a workable compromise if we are discussing something where we both are involved?    And what about the people you are speaking to and with? How are they talking to you? Is the person you are speaking with respectful or disrespectful? What about his or her tone of voice? Is it friendly and relaxed or angry and aggressive? And what about his or her body language? Choice of words? What kind of energy is this person sending your way? Do you feel relaxed or intimated by this person? And why?    These are all very important questions to consider if we are genuinely interested in understanding and improving our ability to communicate. If you watch what is going on, you will notice that some people are just easier to talk to – whether or not you happen to be in agreement about things or not. They are just more relaxed, respectful and open to discussion. They don't act and speak as if they have to prove they are right. They are more mature psychologically and understand that people have different opinions and ideas and that it's not so challenging or dangerous to their well-being if we disagree. Plus they can tolerate the fact that sometimes, or even often, other people will not understand them or agree with them. So again just watch what's going on. By watching your interactions and then analyzing them based on these observations, you will learn so much about the art of communicating. And you will see more and more clearly what works and what obviously doesn't.    When you have this key – that there is a difference between the subject matter you are talking about and the way in which you speak – you also have the key to improving your ability to communicate with almost everyone you meet. Then you can begin to understand that there are many ways of saying the exact same thing. When you understand this, you will also find that you can, in fact, talk about almost everything in a respectful, open and honest way.    Blessings to you All!   _____   To see all my many articles on MysticLivingToday, click here:  http://beamteam.com/en/barbara/barbara_berger_articles_mystic_living_today.html _____ About Barbara Berger American-born Barbara Berger is the best-selling author of “The Road to Power – Fast Food for the Soul” (published in 30 languages), “Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life” (published in 21 languages), “The Awakening Human Being – A Guide to the Power of Mind”, and "Find and Follow Your Inner Compass".  Barbara’s latest books include “Healthy Models for Relationships – the Basic Principles Behind Good Relationships” and her autobiography entitled “My Road to Power – Sex, Trauma & Higher Consciousness”.  Barbara lives in Copenhagen, Denmark and works as coach and therapist, helping people around the globe come into alignment with their own true power. For more about Barbara see her Web site:    http://www.beamteam.com