What Women Deserve in a Relationship

      

By Joyce and Barry Vissell

Joyce and Barry Vissell Heartfullness      May 2025 with Joyce and Barry Vissell   “What Women Deserve in a Relationship” It amazes Barry and I how many women are still settling for less than they deserve in their relationships with men. The women’s movement of the sixties has done much to liberate women in their careers. Fathers are now helping more than ever with child care responsibilities. Women are crowding the health clubs and marathons getting physically strong and healthy. Yet in the area of relationship, many women are settling for far less than they deserve, and they hesitate to speak this truth. Often a “yes” is said, when a “no” would be more appropriate.   Sometimes they put up with certain behaviors because they are afraid to take a stand. Too many women feel emotionally or even physically bullied. And often, the man has little or no awareness that he is overpowering his partner. Our counseling practice often contains couples in this situation. Many of the women we see do not know they are being bullied. It can be that subtle.   Women who do not have an equal place in relationships with men need to take responsibility for themselves. Women need to know that they deserve to be totally loved, accepted and heard. They need to know that their voice is equally as powerful and needed in the relationship as the man’s.   I had to learn how to speak up for my feelings and thoughts. Like many women, I was raised to give my power to the males. In the beginning of my relationship with Barry, I yielded to his decisions even when they didn’t feel right for me. This got me, and us, into trouble. I remember once, when our first child was a baby, Barry wanted to take us to a special place. His intentions were good, but I felt a strong “no” inside of me. His enthusiasm overruled my feeling of wrongness, and I gave in. It turned out to be a disaster. Our VW bus broke down on a very primitive dirt road miles from civilization.  Our baby cried the whole time. And I was angry with Barry. But I was angrier at myself for not holding firm to what I knew in my heart.   Many women are aware of the possibility of a totally equal relationship with a man but are unaware of how to attain this. The whole key is in knowing that we as women deserve this. This is our birthright, and it is time to fully bring it into being.   When women do not feel that we deserve full equality in the relationship, we will do several things. First, and most common, we will suppress their needs, making our partners’ needs more important. This is codependence. Second, we will take an attitude of “all men are out to use me, therefore I will avoid them.” This is the paranoid approach. The third is to use anger and nagging to try to get the love and equality we are wanting. This is trying to be outwardly powerful, but lacks love of self, and therefore is but a desperate attempt. None of these methods work. What is needed is to go right to the source of the difficulty, the feeling of being undeserving or not worthy of love. We can enjoy an equal role with our partner, be loved, accepted and heard. We must first be willing to feel worthy of such love from a man.   When we truly know ourself and therefore, know that we deserve love and respect, then we will naturally draw that out of our partner. He will want to love us in a special way because we love and have respect for ourselves. A woman who knows that she is worthy will be able to communicate her needs to a man in a way that makes him want to give to her. There won’t need to be nagging or fearful hesitation. There won’t be any walking on eggshells out of fear of upsetting him.   I want to fully support women in letting go of all feelings of unworthiness and coming fully into the realization of divine birthright and value. We, as women, deserve to be seen, heard, loved and honored in our relationships with men. We will then have the power to love and honor our man, for he deserves this same special love.      A Couple of Miracles: One Couple, More Than a Few Miracles. Semi-Finalist, Book of the Year, Online Book Club.  Available on Amazon Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are passionate about conscious relationship and personal-spiritual growth. They are the authors of 10 books and a free audio album of sacred songs and chants. Visit their web site at https://SharedHeart.org for their free weekly inspirational videos and monthly e-heartletter, their updated schedule, and inspiring past articles on many topics about relationship and living from the heart.