Teaching Each Other the Lost Art of Humanity

      

By Cathy Yuhas RN, CEOLD

Cathy Yuhas, RN, CEOLD We show our greatest strength by speaking our deepest fears. In doing that, we show others how to reach out and how to ask for help. This is the gift we bring by doing that:  TEACHING EACH OTHER THE LOST ART OF HUMANITY Cathy Yuhas   There has always been a calling within me – a quiet but persistent pull to share love and healing with the world. In meditation, visions have shown me as a giant healer, with arms gently wrapped around the earth, holding a heart space for all beings. Drawn to the healing power of love from an early age, I carry deep reverence for its sacred essence and believe we are bound by invisible threads – when one suffers, we all feel it. You may wonder what this has to do with this book. Let’s face it: life is a long, winding road of uncertainty, but the journey ultimately reveals itself.  The journey as a healer has unfolded through many paths. With over 36 years of experience as an RN and 18 years as a licensed massage therapist, these roles have brought both balance and purpose. Being an RN satisfied my nerdy quest for science and learning, while also supporting my need to develop deep compassion. Massage connected me to the unseen world of our energetic life force. My work as a home care nurse led to a career as a hospice nurse. Being a hospice nurse inspired me to become an end-of-life doula, also known as a death doula. This role encouraged me to delve deeply into the world to discover what’s truly important in this thing we call life. My hope is that by sharing my experiences with death and dying, you will let go of much of the fear you have surrounding it. We have been dying for thousands of years. Death is a continuous biological process, and the body has an innate intelligence about how to do it, so let’s start a conversation about it. This book is a culmination of those experiences – a heartfelt offering for anyone newly diagnosed with a terminal or life-limiting illness, for caregivers, loved ones, and all those curious about the mysteries of death and dying. May these pages offer courage, clarity, and comfort for the sacred journey ahead.  DYING (cue the boogeyman music). Nobody loves it. It ruins our plans, spoils all the fun, and often breaks our hearts. No wonder we avoid discussing it. Most of us would prefer to do anything else rather than broach the subject of death and dying. When do we begin dying? Some say it starts with our first breath, while others believe it begins upon receiving a diagnosis of a life-limiting illness. The phrase “life-limiting” even avoids the direct acknowledgement of someone dying. In the absence of a specific illness, death through natural aging can be either sudden or subtle. If you haven’t noticed, modern medicine is enabling people to live longer, although not everyone is enjoying the quality of life that typically accompanies longevity. At what point should end-of-life discussions begin? When patients are not informed about their stage in the illness, they are deprived of the chance to spend their remaining time more meaningfully or come to terms with it. Their ability to cope is significantly diminished, leading to a more chaotic experience for everyone involved. The medical world is good at skirting the issue of dying, although not intentionally. While it may be difficult, when the healthcare provider avoids conversations about end-of-life realities with a patient, it doesn’t fully support all the patient’s needs and can prevent them from making informed decisions about their life choices. So, doctors often wait for the patients to ask questions, which puts the burden on the patient to stop disease-related interventions.  During the bubonic plague in the 14th and 15th centuries, there was a book of Latin text called the Ars Moreindi, and it influenced the way people thought about death. It was eventually adapted into a book titled The Book of the Craft of Dying. It provided a systematic plan to help families and the community support those dying, and how to strive for a good death. Our culture has lost that roadmap with the development of modern medicine, which, in my opinion, doesn’t have the guts to say when enough is enough. We have lost the art of passing down traditions and rituals to help us through these sacred moments in life. In my view, death is sacred, and we need to treat it as such, with the dignity it deserves. So, can we change the paradigm from dying leads to despair to a spirit that it can lead to realizing hope? There absolutely can be hope in dying. It sounds counterintuitive, but here’s my thoughts on that: We can change our perspective by, instead of having the hope that we will continue to live, even though there is not much quality of life, to have hope that: * We can die peacefully, surrounded by those we love. * We can realize that our lives have meaning. * Our loved ones can move gracefully though the grieving process and are fully supported. * We can be fully present in our dying process so we can witness the death of our physical body while witnessing the growth of our spiritual body. * That we can view this process as the ultimate act of love.  You see, this kind of hope leads to being proactive instead of giving up because we can make a difference right until the end. It helps us realize the reason we are here: connection. Connection. Every being on the planet longs for it: connection to the world around us, to nature, and to each other. Consider the way a baby gazes at the outline of a parent’s face. Think of your best friend across the country. The phone rings, and it’s them. Imagine standing with bare feet on the cool grass or walking along a trail and feeling the urge to reach out and touch the leaves as you pass by. Picture lying on your back on a blanket at night, gazing at the diamond-faceted sky, hoping for a shooting star to wish upon. It sounds like heaven on earth. Somewhere down the line, a short in the lines occurred. We Facebook, Twitter, iPhone, iPad, and text. We do it while watching a movie, eating in a restaurant, at work, and beyond. We multitask our way to the land of never-talk. We are so desperate to be connected that we have lost true and meaningful connection. When we forget to look each other in the eye, our heartstrings get cut, creating a disunion of the heart. As someone approaches death, deep connections with loved ones become profoundly important, offering emotional, spiritual, and even physical comfort in their final days. These connections serve as a bridge between the life they have lived and the transition ahead, helping them feel seen, heard, and valued. Deep connections at the end-of-life help both the dying and their loved ones find peace, strengthening the bonds of love that endure beyond death. Cathy J. Yuhas – RN, Certified Death Doula, Founder of Dying Matters, LLC With over 36 years of experience as a registered nurse and a certified death doula, Cathy has dedicated her career to changing the way we approach death, dying, and end-of-life care. As the founder of Dying Matters, LLC, she educates, supports, and guides individuals and families through one of life’s most profound transitions. Through her compassionate presence and expertise, Cathy empowers people to make informed, meaningful choices that honor their values and wishes at the end of life. As an educator and advocate, Cathy is now sharing her insights with a wider audience through her new book, Walking Each Other Home: Guiding Caregivers and Community Through the Sacred Passage of Death. Using storytelling, practical wisdom, and heartfelt guidance, she provides a roadmap for navigating end-of-life with dignity, clarity, and peace. Whether leading workshops, speaking at events, or working one-on-one, Cathy is dedicated to reshaping the conversation about death—making it less feared, more understood, and ultimately, a respected part of the human experience. To order the book on Amazon:  https://a.co/d/3GH7zEr