Thoughts On Nearing the Finish Line

      

By Anton Grosz, PhD

I love being old.  Sure, at eighty-five my body can’t do everything it used to, and I take more pills than I used to, but, more importantly, I am free to do anything I want to. I can wake up in the morning without an alarm clock.  I can read a book and not have to write a book report.  If watching the nightly news makes me sad and upset, I don’t have to watch the nightly news.  Nobody’s going to test me on it tomorrow.  I can eat dessert without finishing my dinner.  In fact, I can even eat dessert for dinner.  And, get this, I can take a nap anytime I want to.  How cool is that.         At my age, nobody can tell me how to think or what to think about.  I can let go of the negatives and fill my mind with positive thoughts, remembering times in my life and people in my life that made me happy or made me laugh.  And if those people are no longer here and I find I’m feeling sad, turns out I’m really thinking about myself, not them.  Funny how that works. In short, at my age, with no official responsibilities, nothing I specifically have to do, and just enough resources to get by, there’s no reason to do anything that doesn’t make me happy. And that thought brings me back to one of the defining moments of my life.  It was at my eight-year-old birthday party when Aunt Clare asked me, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” “I want to be happy,” I answered. My mother, who was walking past at that moment, stopped in her tracks.  “You can’t be happy,” she said. “You have to be something.”  And for the rest of my school years, for the rest of my working years, I struggled to be ‘something’, even though all I ever wanted to be was ‘happy’. Well, now I’m old, no longer needing good grades, or a positive annual write-up from my boss.  All I need is to wake up in the morning and look forward to having a pleasant day.  And that’s pretty easy to do when there’s nothing or no one standing in the way. “But wait”, you ask, “aren’t you concerned that you’re coming to the end of the road?  You’re not going to live forever.  Don’t you ever think about that?  Aren’t you scared, or concerned, or worried about what comes next?” No, I’m not.  Sure, I’m going to die.  All physical things come to an end, from plants to animals to humans to stars to galaxies.  But I’m one of the lucky ones who had a Near Death Experience, (NDE).  Back when I was thirty-seven, I left my body and went through a tunnel into the light.  I felt my spirit existing in a non-physical realm of pure peace, love, and joy.        And, when I returned to my body, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, for no shadow could have existed in that bright a light, that spirit is who I truly am.  When we say “I am,” that’s fact.  Anything we say after that to describe ourselves is just an adjective that comes into being when we are born, changes over time, and ceases to exist when we die.  That’s why I’m not afraid of death.  I’ve experienced the fact that the body is only a temporary housing for a spirit which is eternal.  I’ll be going home. My NDE turned this long-time atheist into a believer.  It’s what made me leave my life of sales and business and become a certified care giver and hospice chaplain.  It’s what made me realize that the very feeling of consciousness is my connection to the Ultimate Oneness in the universe. I remember sitting on my couch after having my NDE and crying, “Why did I have to wait so long to discover that there really is a God?” and hearing the little voice inside my head saying, “You’ve now stood on both sides of the river.  If you had known all of this from the beginning, how could you have shared it with anyone who didn’t?” And so, I offer what I have learned and experienced first-hand to whomever wants to know what comes next.  There’s nothing to fear.  It all falls into place.  And know that it’s not about any particular path, view, or belief system.  That doesn’t matter.  Whatever religion or belief system you follow, or even if you have no religious beliefs at all, if you’re happy with the path you’re on, that’s the right path for you. Just be aware that you are a unique and special being, different from any other creature who currently is, ever has, or ever will live on this planet.  And all your impulses and urges, thoughts and emotions, talents and handicaps were given to you to enjoy and use for the benefit of all.  How boring it would be if we were all the same? So, enjoy the rest of your life, do what makes you happy, and be kind to others, because they have the right to be happy, too.  And while there’s no need to rush it, don’t be afraid of death.  You’ll be amazed at what you find on the other side of the finish line. I leave you with the prayer I used as a hospice chaplain.  “May what is supposed to happen, happen… with no pain or suffering for anyone.”        Oh, and one final thing.  If you happen to see a bright light in your dreams, follow the light. peace……...ag * * * Anton Grosz is a hospice chaplain and certified caregiver. He is the author of HANDBOOK for a NEW CONSCIOUSNESS: The NEXT STEP in Human Evolution, and Letters to a Dying Friend, What Comes Next, based on the Tibetan Book of the Dead, with an Introduction by H.H. the Dalai Lama.   He can be reached at:  http://AntonGrosz.com