Confronting Mortality

      

By Cathy Yuhas, RN, CEOLD

Cathy Yuhas, RN, CEOLD It’s not as dark as you think.   Did you know that the Top 5 Regrets of the Dying are: I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me I wish I had not worked so hard I wish I had the courage to express my feelings I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends I wish I had let myself be happier   Confronting mortality isn’t a dark hobby—it’s a clarifying truth: we’re all going to die, 100%, and none of us knows when or how. Like Benjamin Franklin’s reminder that nothing is certain except death and taxes, this fact can fade into the background or become a source of wisdom. Most people respond by ignoring it (staying busy so they don’t have to feel it) or denying it (trying to control the uncontrollable), but there’s another option: expand our consciousness by letting mortality inform how we live. When we stop flinching, we develop a powerful bullshit meter—less patience for performative obligations, draining dynamics, and urgency that masquerades as importance. Death makes priorities stop being theoretical; it pushes us toward truth, repair, and meaning while we still have time. What do we do with what we glean? Not panic—practice. We can ask what we don’t want to carry to the end (resentments, unsaid words, a life lived by the expectation of others), choose a few values that deserve our attention now, and let those guide our boundaries and decisions. Expanding consciousness doesn’t require obsession or grand philosophy; it can be as simple as getting honest about what matters, taking one small, aligned action, and protecting our limited time as the sacred resource it is. Ignoring death makes life blurry, denying it makes life brittle, but confronting it—gently and directly—makes life clear, and that clarity helps us live on purpose. How do you start? Start by naming all the things you are tired of carrying (resentments, unsaid words, a life half-lived, a role you have outgrown). Ask yourself: If I were nearing the end of my life, what would feel heavy or unfinished? Then decide what matters enough to capture your attention. Examples might include: Make peace with someone (this includes yourself) Spend quality time with the people you love Tell the truth about your life and what you want Simplify your commitments so your days match your values Then ask: What would it look like to take one small action this week that aligns with those priorities? When you do this, you develop your own personal bullshit meter. Just so you know, a bullshit meter isn’t about judging others. It’s about choosing where your energy goes. If you need a boundary question to ask yourself, let it be this: Is this worth my one wild life? If the answer is no, you don’t need to give someone a long explanation. You just need to make a decision. Remember: You are not only your productivity. You are not only your roles. You are not only your past. You are here, briefly, and you get to participate in your life. Confronting our mortality gives us the gift of perspective. It refines our priorities. It turns down the volume on all the nonsense. It brings the important things to the forefront. Maybe this is the point: it doesn’t make you obsessed with dying. It makes you devoted to living – awake, deliberate, and less willing to spend your time on what doesn’t matter. Because once you really know the truth, you stop wasting your days trying to prove things that won’t matter in the end. You start doing things that will.   Cathy Yuhas, RN, CEOLD, is a seasoned Registered Nurse and Certified End-of-Life Doula who has devoted over three decades to supporting individuals and families through life’s most profound transitions. As the founder of Dying Matters, LLC, she combines medical insight with soulful presence to advocate for conscious, compassionate end-of-life care. Her book, Walking Each Other Home: Guiding Caregivers and Community Through the Sacred Passage of Death, offers an in-depth guide for those navigating caregiving, loss, and legacy. Equal parts practical and heartfelt, the book speaks to the emotional, spiritual, and logistical layers of dying, often overlooked in our culture. Through her writing and her practice, Cathy invites readers to have the conversations that matter, prepare meaningfully, and embrace the sacredness of this final chapter. Whether you're a caregiver, healthcare professional, or someone seeking peace of mind, her work provides the wisdom and tools to approach death not as an end, but as a meaningful part of life.