Turn Down the Scatter

      

By Cathy Yuhas, RN, CEOLD

TURN DOWN THE SCATTER How to stop pushing the river and start aligning   Every week, I receive Rob Brezsny’s Astrology Newsletter. He is also the author of Pronoia, which serves as the antidote for paranoia. In short, the horoscopes are like poetry disguised as predictions. He uses creative language to promote self-inquiry, courage, and emotional growth, and I have been reading them for nearly 20 years. A recent horoscope felt like a message directly aimed at my life and deeply connected to my recent blog posts about becoming our true selves, so I’m writing today from that perspective. I was reminded that two very different substances—diamond and graphite—come from the same raw material. One is solid and durable. The other is soft and slick. The difference isn’t what they’re made of. It’s how the material is arranged. That stopped me because it’s the clearest spiritual metaphor I’ve heard in a while: sometimes you don’t need more. You need a different structure. Most of us are conditioned to accumulate—more tools, more information, more certifications, more content, more proof. Especially if you grew up feeling invisible or “on the outside,” you learn to gather reasons to justify your place. You believe that if you add enough credentials, you’ll finally feel secure. If you do enough, you’ll ultimately feel worthy. If you keep improving, you’ll eventually feel safe. But what if the problem isn’t that you’re missing something? What if you already have the carbon? What if the problem is how your life is arranged? I’m 97% sure that this hits home for me. I can be surrounded by good things and still feel unsettled if my days are based on fear and performance. I can have talent, experience, compassion, and insight—and still feel like I’m “pushing the river” if I try to force outcomes instead of living in harmony. I can possess these gifts and still live as if I need permission to use them. Graphite energy is when everything is there, but it’s scattered—slippery and hard to hold. You’re busy but not anchored; capable but not truly receiving. You’re doing, yet it doesn’t feel like it’s landing. You keep slipping back into the same loops: overthinking, overexplaining, overgiving, undercharging, postponing joy, waiting for the right time. Diamond energy occurs when the same “carbon” is arranged into a stable structure. This is what I’m learning: the shift isn’t always about adding. Sometimes it’s about reworking what’s already in your hands. For me, that looks like reorganizing around a few truths. First, my creativity acts as a compass. For example, when I’m in sync, ideas flow easily. When I’m out of sync, everything feels strained. If my creativity runs dry, it’s not always a problem—it’s feedback. It’s telling me I’m not aligned. Second, my nervous system is part of the plan. I can’t create a meaningful life while constantly on edge. Living in urgency leads to rushed decisions. Living in fear causes me to choose safety over truth. I need structure that helps me relax—because softness is where clarity comes back. Third, receiving is part of integrity, including money. If I’m willing to give my presence, my time, my wisdom, and my heart, I also need to be willing to accept support in return. Otherwise, I’m quietly reinforcing the belief that my needs don’t matter—that I have to earn my place by being endlessly useful. These aren’t personality quirks. They’re structures, patterns, and patterns can be rearranged. So here’s the real question this metaphor poses: Where in your life are you trying to accumulate, when what you really need is reconfiguration? Perhaps you don’t need another program. Maybe what you really need is to practice what you already know. Perhaps you don’t need more content; you need one simple rhythm you can repeat. Maybe you don’t need more “motivation.” Instead, you might need a structure that safeguards your attention, creativity, rest, and truth. Reconfiguration can be surprisingly simple. Sometimes it’s adjusting one boundary. Sometimes it’s making one commitment for thirty days. Sometimes it’s deciding what you no longer need to do. Sometimes it’s moving one part of your life to a different place—like taking your morning back before the world controls it. It’s like letting your calendar mirror your values instead of your guilt. If you're looking for a practical starting point, try this: Take stock of the carbon in your life—your time, energy, relationships, responsibilities, and gifts—and ask yourself: What is scattered and needs to be organized? What’s causing the drain that needs a boundary? What is being postponed that needs a date? What is being forced that requires trust? What is being held back that needs to be expressed? Then pick one small rearrangement you can do this week. Not a major reinvention. Just one structural change. Because the truth is, most of us are not lacking power. We’re losing it—through dispersion, distraction, performance, and fear. Diamond isn’t created by adding new material; it’s formed through pressure and arrangement. Life applies pressure whether we want it to or not. The question is whether we allow that pressure to shape us into something solid—or if we keep slipping around, soft and scattered, telling ourselves we just need more. Maybe the invitation is this. Stop accumulating. Start organizing. You already have the carbon. Now make it hold.   Cathy J. Yuhas, RN, CEOLD, is a registered nurse with 36 years of experience, a certified end-of-life doula, and the founder of Dying Matters, LLC. She is the author of Walking Each Other Home: Guiding Caregivers and Community Through the Sacred Passage of Death, a compassionate guide for honest conversations, caregiving, and end-of-life clarity. She is also a contributing author to Discover the Gift of Joy: How to Experience Joy in Life, Work, and Relationships.    https://www.dyingmatters.llc