Happiness is an Inside Job

Barbara Berger


 

When we human beings understand the basic mechanism of mind – that our thinking determines our experience – we also understand that happiness or unhappiness is not the result of outer circumstances, or events, or other people's choices and actions. But rather, happiness or unhappiness is the result of each individual's interpretation of what is going on. Thus, when we understand this Universal Law or principle, we see that happiness or unhappiness is a purely subjective experience.
   This is why I always say happiness or unhappiness is an "inside job"! Because happiness or unhappiness all depend on how we each view and interpret the situations and circumstances we are living with and in. In other words, the determining factor is how we relate to whatever is going on in our lives.
   This is the basic mechanism of mind: Our thinking determines our experience.
   This is what determines your experience and my experience.
   Things happen and then we each react according to our belief systems.
   Things happen and we each react based on our background, upbringing, beliefs, and practiced ways of thinking and reacting.
   So your happiness depends on your thinking.
   And it's the same for your partner, your child, your parents, and your friends. Their thinking determines their experience. This is why happiness is an "inside" job – for everyone. There is no exception to this rule.
   So what does this have to do with you being you, with your right to be you and make your own choices and live a happy life?
   A lot.
   Because many people are afraid that if they follow their integrity or voice within (which I call our Inner Compass), they will make the people in their lives unhappy. They mistakenly think or fear that their choices and behavior will displease others and be the cause of another person's displeasure or unhappiness. It could be their partner, their parents, their children, their friends. Again, the list of possible people we believe our words and actions might displease is endless! Which is why this is often a real concern for many people, the fear that if you do what feels right and best to you – it might make someone else unhappy.
   But now that we understand the mechanism of mind – that each person's thinking and belief systems are what determine their experience – we can see that this cannot possibly be true. Because it’s not our choices which actually make another person happy or unhappy, it’s their way of thinking that determines their experience – not our choices.
   If you don’t believe this, just think about how differently people can and do react to exactly the same situation. Here are some concrete examples of how different people may react to the same situation:

• Two people get divorced: Now what does this mean? For one person, a divorce can feel like a tragedy, like the end of the world, so this person may be deeply depressed. For another, a divorce is a celebration, a liberation, because now this person is finally free from having to deal with a relationship that wasn’t working, so this person is happy, joyful. In both cases, the event was the same – a divorce. But because people have very different interpretations of the event, they also have very different experiences of the same event.
• Your boss asks you to head a task force to deal with a challenging situation at your workplace: Now what does this mean? The reality is that this is a work assignment. But for one person, the assignment will seem overwhelming and the person will experience a lot of stress. For another person, the assignment will feel like a great honor and challenge, and the person will experience renewed energy and joy at work. In both cases, the event was the same – a work assignment. But because people have very different interpretations of the event, they also have very different experiences of the same event.
• Your children are grown-up and move away from home: Now what does this mean? The reality is children no longer live at home. One parent will experience children moving away as a great loss and feel a sense of emptiness in life. So this could be a time of real crisis and soul searching. Others may react differently and enjoy their newfound freedom because now they have more time to focus on the things they never found time for when the children lived at home. But again, the event was the same – the children moved. But because people may have very different interpretations of the event, they will also have different experiences of the same event. 

In the above examples, there is an event – something happens – and then, different people have different ideas about what these events mean for them. Which determines their experience. So regardless of what’s going on, it is always our interpretations of events that determine our experience. So if you think divorce is terrible, that’s what you experience. If you think divorce is a true liberation, then that’s your experience. And the same goes for the new assignment at work. If you think it’s more than you can handle, you’ll experience stress, and if you are delighted at being given the challenge, you’ll experience renewed energy. And so on… The important point to understand here is that in, and of, themselves, events are just events. They are just the things that happen in life. But we give them meaning by the way we interpret them. And this is true of everything that is happening in our lives. Everything.
   So when we understand that our thinking determines our experience, we also understand that the idea that you, or I, could possibly be responsible for another person's happiness, or unhappiness, is a flawed premise. It is flawed because it has nothing to do with reality. Because the reality is, it is completely impossible to get inside another person's head and think for that person. Which means we cannot possibly be responsible for the way that person experiences Life because that is determined by his or her thinking.
   But unfortunately, most people do not yet understand this basic mechanism of mind. They do not yet understand that the experience of each individual person is completely – 100% - determined by their thoughts and belief systems. And because most people do not yet understand this basic mechanism, most people continue to mistakenly believe that the happiness of other people must in some way depend on what they say or do. Moreover, they also believe the reverse is true, too – that their own happiness depends on what other people say and do. And unfortunately, this misunderstanding (or you could say our ignorance of this basic mechanism of mind) can make it very difficult, if not impossible, for many of us to live happy lives. For an in-depth explanation of this mechanism, see my books "Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life" and/or “Find and Follow Your Inner Compass”.
 
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About Barbara Berger
American-born Barbara Berger is the best-selling author of “The Road to Power – Fast Food for the Soul” (published in 30 languages), “Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life” (published in 21 languages) and “The Awakening Human Being – A Guide to the Power of Mind”. Barbara's latest book is "Find and Follow Your Inner Compass – Instant Guidance in an Age of Information Overload". Barbara also works as coach and therapist, helping people around the globe come into alignment with their own true power. For more about Barbara see her Web site: http://www.beamteam.com
 
 
  
 ** Below are titles & links to the beautiful work from Barbara. She is a long time contributor and my dear friend :) **
 
 
mysticlivingtoday.com – articles by Barbara Berger
 
 
The Ultimate Self-Empowerment Tool – Your Inner Compass
http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2087 
 
The Key to Happiness; Understanding the Way the Mind Works
http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2113
 
Who would you be if you didn’t know your age?
http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2147
 
The Power of Right Seeing
http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2177
 
Review of Barbara Berger’s book Find and Follow Your Inner Compass by Riki Frahmann
http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2184
 
Are You Here Now? Are You Happy Now?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2247
 
Discovering Who You Really Are
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2284
 
Getting in Touch with Your Heart
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2299
 
Follow Your Passion & Accept the Consequences
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2324
 
The Power of the Joyful Giver
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2359
 
You have nothing to deal with but your own thoughts
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2374
 
Radio show
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/starzcast/2018/09/26/natalie-interviews-barbara-berger--author-on-self-empowerment
 
Peace Is Your Nature
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2398
 
The Power of Contemplating Love
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2423
 
How Can We Serve?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2452
 
The Importance of Mind Management
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2472
 
Focus on the Real – A Way of Dealing with Worry and Catastrophic Thinking
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2499
 
Nothing External Can Disturb Us
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2527
 
Just Let Everything Be!
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2548
 
The Gift of Crisis
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2563
 
The Power of Asking for Help
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2592&fbclid=IwAR1ZK91thdusdkQTdqu0fHXgarR7Ghv7rmAjR6NypUUfLh2wv1ozLLi-HjU
 
What does it mean to be psychologically mature?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2625
 
The Meaning of Life
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2644
 
The Power of Praise & Blessing
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2682
 
Our Unalienable Rights
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2712
 
Meeting the Family & Keeping Your Peace of Mind
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2737
 
Healthy Boundaries – the Secret of Good Relationships
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2758
 
Healthy Parenting
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2777
 
Wanting What You Have
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2801
 
NOW IS THE TIME TO THINK POSITIVE
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2813
 
A Scientific Prayer to Lift Your Consciousness
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2828
 
Healthy Self Talk about the Body
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2850
 
Time Are Changing Aren’t They?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2881
 
Are You Following Your Inner Compass?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2904
 
What Happens When We Don't Listen to Our Inner Compass?   
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2920
 
Your Right to Be You
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2961
 
Doing the Right Thing
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2992
 
Seeing Behind Impermanence
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3026
 
Opening Your Heart – A Prayer for the New Year
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3051
 
Welcome to the World of Starbrow and His Amazing Spiritual Adventures
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3050
 
Use This Simple, Effective Right Reaction Exercise to Tackle Stressful Moments  
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3084
 
No Healing Without Feeling
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3102