What is Spiritual Bypass

      

By Barbara Berger

Barbara Berger   According to Buddhist teacher and therapist John Welwood, spiritual bypass is “"a tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks". Since I work as a coach and therapist, I see this tendency in some or many of the people who come to me for private sessions.   Such people usually have really high ideals and want to be loving, kind and forgiving towards others, including members of their own families and/or their own partners even if these relationships are unhealthy and there is a lack of healthy boundaries and respect for the basic right of each individual to be who he or she is.    Unfortunately, when someone is a “doormat” and/or a “people-pleaser” and says he or she has forgiven the people who have been disrespectful towards them or violated their boundaries in the past – it can be a really a big problem especially if they are still being treated disrespectfully by these people. This is a clear sign of “spiritual bypass” because it means that they have not yet learned to set healthy boundaries or assert their right to be treated with respect.   I often ask these people the following questions: What about you? Why don’t you matter? Why are the feelings or ideas of other people more important than your ideas and feelings? Don’t you have a right to be treated with respect? How is allowing someone to treat you disrespectfully really being “loving and kind”? Wouldn’t it be more loving and kind to yourself and to the other person to set healthy boundaries?  How are you helping yourself or the other person if you don’t have healthy boundaries and set limits and demand respectful behavior? What’s “loving and kind” about this kind of behavior? What about you being loving and kind to yourself?      When we explore these questions, we discover that love and kindness really have to begin at home, with ourselves, and that we have to learn to be loving and kind not just towards others but towards ourselves as well. Which translates into having healthy boundaries and being able to take good care of oneself. This is a vital step in healthy personal development and when we try to bypass this, it’s what we call “spiritual bypass” and it usually backfires….      For more about being assertive and setting healthy boundaries, see my book “Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life” and Part Two of my book “Find and Follow Your Inner Compass”. Available on Amazon or on my Website: www.beamteam.com   _____     About Barbara Berger American-born Barbara Berger is the best-selling author of “The Road to Power – Fast Food for the Soul” (published in 30 languages), “Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life” (published in 21 languages) and “The Awakening Human Being – A Guide to the Power of Mind”. Barbara's latest book is "Find and Follow Your Inner Compass – Instant Guidance in an Age of Information Overload". Barbara also works as coach and therapist, helping people around the globe come into alignment with their own true power. For more about Barbara see her Web site: http://www.beamteam.com     ** Below are titles & links to the beautiful work from Barbara. She is a long time contributor and my dear friend :   The Ultimate Self-Empowerment Tool – Your Inner Compass http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2087    The Key to Happiness; Understanding the Way the Mind Works http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2113   Who would you be if you didn’t know your age? http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2147   The Power of Right Seeing http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2177   Review of Barbara Berger’s book Find and Follow Your Inner Compass by Riki Frahmann http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2184   Are You Here Now? Are You Happy Now? https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2247   Discovering Who You Really Are https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2284   Getting in Touch with Your Heart https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2299   Follow Your Passion & Accept the Consequences https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2324   The Power of the Joyful Giver https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2359   You have nothing to deal with but your own thoughts https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2374   Radio show http://www.blogtalkradio.com/starzcast/2018/09/26/natalie-interviews-barbara-berger--author-on-self-empowerment   Peace Is Your Nature https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2398   The Power of Contemplating Love https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2423   How Can We Serve? https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2452   The Importance of Mind Management https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2472   Focus on the Real – A Way of Dealing with Worry and Catastrophic Thinking https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2499   Nothing External Can Disturb Us https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2527   Just Let Everything Be! https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2548   The Gift of Crisis https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2563   The Power of Asking for Help https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2592&fbclid=IwAR1ZK91thdusdkQTdqu0fHXgarR7Ghv7rmAjR6NypUUfLh2wv1ozLLi-HjU   What does it mean to be psychologically mature? https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2625   The Meaning of Life https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2644   The Power of Praise & Blessing https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2682   Our Unalienable Rights https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2712   Meeting the Family & Keeping Your Peace of Mind https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2737   Healthy Boundaries – the Secret of Good Relationships https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2758   Healthy Parenting https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2777   Wanting What You Have https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2801   NOW IS THE TIME TO THINK POSITIVE https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2813   A Scientific Prayer to Lift Your Consciousness https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2828   Healthy Self Talk about the Body https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2850   Time Are Changing Aren’t They? https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2881   Are You Following Your Inner Compass? https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2904   What Happens When We Don't Listen to Our Inner Compass?    https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2920   Your Right to Be You https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2961   Doing the Right Thing https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2992   Seeing Behind Impermanence https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3026   Opening Your Heart – A Prayer for the New Year https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3051   Welcome to the World of Starbrow and His Amazing Spiritual Adventures https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3050   Use This Simple, Effective Right Reaction Exercise to Tackle Stressful Moments   https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3084   No Healing Without Feeling https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3102   Happiness Is an Inside Job https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3131   The Power of Joy and Laughter https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3158   Watch Out for Black and White Thinking! https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3173 The Power of Eating Less https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3217   Good Ways to Say No and Set Limits https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3242   Higher Consciousness and the Power of Nature https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3259   Gratitude for the Gift of Life https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3284   Do Not Be Bluffed by Your Body https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3297