.jpg)
Barbara Berger
According to Buddhist teacher and therapist John Welwood, spiritual bypass is “"a tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks". Since I work as a coach and therapist, I see this tendency in some or many of the people who come to me for private sessions.
Such people usually have really high ideals and want to be loving, kind and forgiving towards others, including members of their own families and/or their own partners even if these relationships are unhealthy and there is a lack of healthy boundaries and respect for the basic right of each individual to be who he or she is.
Unfortunately, when someone is a “doormat” and/or a “people-pleaser” and says he or she has forgiven the people who have been disrespectful towards them or violated their boundaries in the past – it can be a really a big problem especially if they are still being treated disrespectfully by these people. This is a clear sign of “spiritual bypass” because it means that they have not yet learned to set healthy boundaries or assert their right to be treated with respect.
I often ask these people the following questions:
- What about you? Why don’t you matter?
- Why are the feelings or ideas of other people more important than your ideas and feelings?
- Don’t you have a right to be treated with respect?
- How is allowing someone to treat you disrespectfully really being “loving and kind”?
- Wouldn’t it be more loving and kind to yourself and to the other person to set healthy boundaries?
- How are you helping yourself or the other person if you don’t have healthy boundaries and set limits and demand respectful behavior? What’s “loving and kind” about this kind of behavior?
- What about you being loving and kind to yourself?
When we explore these questions, we discover that love and kindness really have to begin at home, with ourselves, and that we have to learn to be loving and kind not just towards others but towards ourselves as well. Which translates into having healthy boundaries and being able to take good care of oneself. This is a vital step in healthy personal development and when we try to bypass this, it’s what we call “spiritual bypass” and it usually backfires….
For more about being assertive and setting healthy boundaries, see my book “Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life” and Part Two of my book “Find and Follow Your Inner Compass”. Available on Amazon or on my Website: www.beamteam.com
_____
About Barbara Berger
American-born Barbara Berger is the best-selling author of “The Road to Power – Fast Food for the Soul” (published in 30 languages), “Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life” (published in 21 languages) and “The Awakening Human Being – A Guide to the Power of Mind”. Barbara's latest book is "Find and Follow Your Inner Compass – Instant Guidance in an Age of Information Overload". Barbara also works as coach and therapist, helping people around the globe come into alignment with their own true power. For more about Barbara see her Web site: http://www.beamteam.com
** Below are titles & links to the beautiful work from Barbara. She is a long time contributor and my
dear friend :
The Ultimate Self-Empowerment Tool – Your Inner Compass
http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2087
The Key to Happiness; Understanding the Way the Mind Works
http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2113
Who would you be if you didn’t know your age?
http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2147
The Power of Right Seeing
http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2177
Review of Barbara Berger’s book Find and Follow Your Inner Compass by Riki Frahmann
http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2184
Are You Here Now? Are You Happy Now?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2247
Discovering Who You Really Are
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2284
Getting in Touch with Your Heart
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2299
Follow Your Passion & Accept the Consequences
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2324
The Power of the Joyful Giver
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2359
You have nothing to deal with but your own thoughts
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2374
Radio show
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/starzcast/2018/09/26/natalie-interviews-barbara-berger--author-on-self-empowerment
Peace Is Your Nature
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2398
The Power of Contemplating Love
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2423
How Can We Serve?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2452
The Importance of Mind Management
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2472
Focus on the Real – A Way of Dealing with Worry and Catastrophic Thinking
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2499
Nothing External Can Disturb Us
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2527
Just Let Everything Be!
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2548
The Gift of Crisis
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2563
The Power of Asking for Help
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2592&fbclid=IwAR1ZK91thdusdkQTdqu0fHXgarR7Ghv7rmAjR6NypUUfLh2wv1ozLLi-HjU
What does it mean to be psychologically mature?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2625
The Meaning of Life
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2644
The Power of Praise & Blessing
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2682
Our Unalienable Rights
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2712
Meeting the Family & Keeping Your Peace of Mind
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2737
Healthy Boundaries – the Secret of Good Relationships
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2758
Healthy Parenting
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2777
Wanting What You Have
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2801
NOW IS THE TIME TO THINK POSITIVE
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2813
A Scientific Prayer to Lift Your Consciousness
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2828
Healthy Self Talk about the Body
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2850
Time Are Changing Aren’t They?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2881
Are You Following Your Inner Compass?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2904
What Happens When We Don't Listen to Our Inner Compass?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2920
Your Right to Be You
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2961
Doing the Right Thing
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2992
Seeing Behind Impermanence
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3026
Opening Your Heart – A Prayer for the New Year
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3051
Welcome to the World of Starbrow and His Amazing Spiritual Adventures
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3050
Use This Simple, Effective Right Reaction Exercise to Tackle Stressful Moments
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3084
No Healing Without Feeling
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3102
Happiness Is an Inside Job
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3131
The Power of Joy and Laughter
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3158
Watch Out for Black and White Thinking!
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3173
The Power of Eating Less
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3217
Good Ways to Say No and Set Limits
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3242
Higher Consciousness and the Power of Nature
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3259
Gratitude for the Gift of Life
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3284
Do Not Be Bluffed by Your Body
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3297
