Being Your Own Best Friend

      

By Barbara Berger

Barbara Berger   Do you realize you are the one person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with? Do you understand that you are the closest person to you? And that you will always be the closest person to you? The one person in the whole world who will never ever leave you. No matter what. Do you realize that no one, no matter what they do nor how hard they try, is ever going to get closer to you than you? And even if you know this, have you taken the time to really get close to yourself so that you truly and honestly know who you are? My guess is probably not. Why do I say this? Because strangely enough, so few people seem to be comfortable with the idea of getting close to themselves.    Why is it like this? Why are we so afraid of looking within? Why is it so difficult for us to truly face ourselves and find out what really feels right to us? Without having to justify how we feel to anyone else? Why is it so hard to admit to ourselves the truth about ourselves? It’s almost like it’s taboo or something. Why do we have such difficulty knowing for ourselves in our own hearts and minds who we really are and what we really like?    I’d say the number one reason is that we’ve all been brought up to please other people at all costs, so looking within and recognizing our own wants, needs and preferences can be quite anxiety provoking for many of us because what if being ourselves displeases other people?    But here’s the rub.    If you don’t know who you are, how can you live a happy life? And if you say your life is happy right now, I might ask – a happy life for whom? How can you know who is living your happy life if you don’t know who you are? Some people are living happy lives for their husbands. Some for their wives. Some for their children. Others are living happy lives for their parents. What about you? Whose happy life are you living? Is it your own or someone else’s? Because the question is how can you honor yourself and make good choices for yourself if you are afraid to take the time to sit down with yourself and find out what’s right for you? If you don’t know what makes you tick, how can you make good choices and take proper care of you?      You can only take care of yourself if you know yourself.    You can only make good choices for yourself if you know yourself.    You can only set limits if you know yourself.    But to know yourself you have to be able to answer basic questions like: What do you really like (not what you think you ‘should’ like or what other people think you ‘should’ like) What’s OK for you What’s not OK for you What makes you feel good What are your preferences What makes you feel uncomfortable What do you find unacceptable Where your limits are You can only find the answers to these questions by going inside and asking yourself humbly and honestly. So if any of this rings a bell for you, I suggest you try sitting quietly with yourself and finding out. Try answering these questions just for you. Again not for someone else—not for your wife, your husband, your boyfriend, your kids, your parents, or your friends. Just for you.    And see what comes up. Honestly. And actually when we get the hang of it, it turns out that this is really fun. A lot of fun. In fact, the most fun of all.    And just remember, to answer these questions honestly you don’t have to explain to anyone why you are the way you are. You are you and you are the way you are, for whatever reasons. You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone. It’s as simple as that. You have the right to be you, whatever that means. And yes of course that means each one of us must accept the consequences of being who we are. But there is no right and wrong way to be you, but in this universe, there is the law of cause and effect, which is always working. And this means every action has consequences. But still you always have the right to think and do what you feel and believe what is best for you—and accept the consequences.    In fact, the Universal Law of cause and effect is actually a good thing because it means we all get to see, feel, taste, touch and live the consequences of our choices. Always. And this is exactly how it should be because how else could we learn? How else could we really discover who we are except by experiencing the effects of our choices?    So please think about tuning more into yourself during the course of your day and being mindful of what feels good and doesn’t feel good to you. Because again, one of the secrets of living a happy life is to become your own best friend. And you can only do this when you know who you are, when you honestly and truly know yourself. Because what does a best friend do? A best friend sees you for who you really are and unconditionally loves and supports the real you. But how can you do this for yourself if you don’t honestly know who you are?    For more about tuning into yourself and your inner guidance, check out my book “Find and Follow Your Inner Compass – Instant Guidance in an Age of Information Overload” for more help in this process. Especially the simple Inner Compass exercise on page 21.    So in short, being your own best friend means communicating honestly with yourself. And knowing who you are and not pretending to yourself (or anyone else) to be what you’re not. Being your own best friend means loving yourself and taking good care of yourself. It means being able to recognize your strengths and your weaknesses. It means respecting yourself for who you are and asking yourself honestly what is right for you in each situation. It means being able to set limits as to what you are willing to do for others. It means being able to ask “What can I offer in this situation that is honestly congruent with who I am and with my skills, strengths and energy level right now? So that I respect and honor myself, while respecting and honoring the situation and the other people involved as best I can?” And then sticking to that. In other words, it means asking yourself what is appropriate in each now moment so that you can maintain your integrity, feel good about yourself, and function optimally, both today and tomorrow. For many this is a tall order, especially if you are a “people pleaser”.  But the truth is that to be your own best friend, you have to be able to say “no” to others without feeling guilty and without feeling that you have to explain or justify your choices or your behavior.    Happy best friend day to you – whoever you are wherever you are! _____ About Barbara Berger American-born Barbara Berger is the best-selling author of “The Road to Power – Fast Food for the Soul” (published in 30 languages), “Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life” (published in 21 languages) and “The Awakening Human Being – A Guide to the Power of Mind”. Barbara's latest book is "Find and Follow Your Inner Compass – Instant Guidance in an Age of Information Overload". Barbara also works as coach and therapist, helping people around the globe come into alignment with their own true power. For more about Barbara see her Web site: http://www.beamteam.com ** Below are titles & links to the beautiful work from Barbara. She is a long time contributor and my dear friend :**  mysticlivingtoday.com – articles by Barbara Berger The Ultimate Self-Empowerment Tool – Your Inner Compass http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2087    The Key to Happiness; Understanding the Way the Mind Works http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2113   Who would you be if you didn’t know your age? http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2147   The Power of Right Seeing http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2177   Review of Barbara Berger’s book Find and Follow Your Inner Compass by Riki Frahmann http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2184   Are You Here Now? Are You Happy Now? https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2247   Discovering Who You Really Are https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2284   Getting in Touch with Your Heart https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2299   Follow Your Passion & Accept the Consequences https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2324   The Power of the Joyful Giver https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2359   You have nothing to deal with but your own thoughts https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2374   Radio show http://www.blogtalkradio.com/starzcast/2018/09/26/natalie-interviews-barbara-berger--author-on-self-empowerment   Peace Is Your Nature https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2398   The Power of Contemplating Love https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2423   How Can We Serve? https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2452   The Importance of Mind Management https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2472   Focus on the Real – A Way of Dealing with Worry and Catastrophic Thinking https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2499   Nothing External Can Disturb Us https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2527   Just Let Everything Be! https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2548   The Gift of Crisis https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2563   The Power of Asking for Help https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2592&fbclid=IwAR1ZK91thdusdkQTdqu0fHXgarR7Ghv7rmAjR6NypUUfLh2wv1ozLLi-HjU   What does it mean to be psychologically mature? https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2625   The Meaning of Life https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2644   The Power of Praise & Blessing https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2682   Our Unalienable Rights https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2712   Meeting the Family & Keeping Your Peace of Mind https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2737   Healthy Boundaries – the Secret of Good Relationships https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2758   Healthy Parenting https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2777   Wanting What You Have https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2801   NOW IS THE TIME TO THINK POSITIVE https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2813   A Scientific Prayer to Lift Your Consciousness https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2828   Healthy Self Talk about the Body https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2850   Time Are Changing Aren’t They? https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2881   Are You Following Your Inner Compass? https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2904   What Happens When We Don't Listen to Our Inner Compass?   https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2920   Your Right to Be You https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2961   Doing the Right Thing https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2992   Seeing Behind Impermanence https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3026   Opening Your Heart – A Prayer for the New Year https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3051   Welcome to the World of Starbrow and His Amazing Spiritual Adventures https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3050   Use This Simple, Effective Right Reaction Exercise to Tackle Stressful Moments   https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3084   No Healing Without Feeling https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3102   Happiness Is an Inside Job https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3131   The Power of Joy and Laughter https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3158   Watch Out for Black and White Thinking! https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3173 The Power of Eating Less https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3217   Good Ways to Say No and Set Limits https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3242   Higher Consciousness and the Power of Nature https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3259   Gratitude for the Gift of Life https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3284   Do Not Be Bluffed by Your Body https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3297   What Is Spiritual Bypass? https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3329   The Intention of Oneness https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3358   The Importance of Having a Daily Program https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3381   What Is Preventing You From Being Happy? https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3417   Happiness Now https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3428   Staying Sane in Insane Times https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3462   The Power of the Choice-Maker https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3477   Understanding and Using Mental Technology https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3503   Cleaning Up Our Art About Money https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3516   No Comparisons (A Meditation or Contemplation) https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3538