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Barbara Berger
Do you realize you are the one person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with? Do you understand that you are the closest person to you? And that you will always be the closest person to you? The one person in the whole world who will never ever leave you. No matter what. Do you realize that no one, no matter what they do nor how hard they try, is ever going to get closer to you than you? And even if you know this, have you taken the time to really get close to yourself so that you truly and honestly know who you are? My guess is probably not. Why do I say this? Because strangely enough, so few people seem to be comfortable with the idea of getting close to themselves.
Why is it like this? Why are we so afraid of looking within? Why is it so difficult for us to truly face ourselves and find out what really feels right to us? Without having to justify how we feel to anyone else? Why is it so hard to admit to ourselves the truth about ourselves? It’s almost like it’s taboo or something. Why do we have such difficulty knowing for ourselves in our own hearts and minds who we really are and what we really like?
I’d say the number one reason is that we’ve all been brought up to please other people at all costs, so looking within and recognizing our own wants, needs and preferences can be quite anxiety provoking for many of us because what if being ourselves displeases other people?
But here’s the rub.
If you don’t know who you are, how can you live a happy life? And if you say your life is happy right now, I might ask – a happy life for whom? How can you know who is living your happy life if you don’t know who you are? Some people are living happy lives for their husbands. Some for their wives. Some for their children. Others are living happy lives for their parents. What about you? Whose happy life are you living? Is it your own or someone else’s? Because the question is how can you honor yourself and make good choices for yourself if you are afraid to take the time to sit down with yourself and find out what’s right for you? If you don’t know what makes you tick, how can you make good choices and take proper care of you?
You can only take care of yourself if you know yourself.
You can only make good choices for yourself if you know yourself.
You can only set limits if you know yourself.
But to know yourself you have to be able to answer basic questions like:
And see what comes up. Honestly. And actually when we get the hang of it, it turns out that this is really fun. A lot of fun. In fact, the most fun of all.
And just remember, to answer these questions honestly you don’t have to explain to anyone why you are the way you are. You are you and you are the way you are, for whatever reasons. You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone. It’s as simple as that. You have the right to be you, whatever that means. And yes of course that means each one of us must accept the consequences of being who we are. But there is no right and wrong way to be you, but in this universe, there is the law of cause and effect, which is always working. And this means every action has consequences. But still you always have the right to think and do what you feel and believe what is best for you—and accept the consequences.
In fact, the Universal Law of cause and effect is actually a good thing because it means we all get to see, feel, taste, touch and live the consequences of our choices. Always. And this is exactly how it should be because how else could we learn? How else could we really discover who we are except by experiencing the effects of our choices?
So please think about tuning more into yourself during the course of your day and being mindful of what feels good and doesn’t feel good to you. Because again, one of the secrets of living a happy life is to become your own best friend. And you can only do this when you know who you are, when you honestly and truly know yourself. Because what does a best friend do? A best friend sees you for who you really are and unconditionally loves and supports the real you. But how can you do this for yourself if you don’t honestly know who you are?
For more about tuning into yourself and your inner guidance, check out my book “Find and Follow Your Inner Compass – Instant Guidance in an Age of Information Overload” for more help in this process. Especially the simple Inner Compass exercise on page 21.
So in short, being your own best friend means communicating honestly with yourself. And knowing who you are and not pretending to yourself (or anyone else) to be what you’re not. Being your own best friend means loving yourself and taking good care of yourself. It means being able to recognize your strengths and your weaknesses. It means respecting yourself for who you are and asking yourself honestly what is right for you in each situation. It means being able to set limits as to what you are willing to do for others. It means being able to ask “What can I offer in this situation that is honestly congruent with who I am and with my skills, strengths and energy level right now? So that I respect and honor myself, while respecting and honoring the situation and the other people involved as best I can?” And then sticking to that. In other words, it means asking yourself what is appropriate in each now moment so that you can maintain your integrity, feel good about yourself, and function optimally, both today and tomorrow. For many this is a tall order, especially if you are a “people pleaser”. But the truth is that to be your own best friend, you have to be able to say “no” to others without feeling guilty and without feeling that you have to explain or justify your choices or your behavior.
Happy best friend day to you – whoever you are wherever you are!
_____
About Barbara Berger
American-born Barbara Berger is the best-selling author of “The Road to Power – Fast Food for the Soul” (published in 30 languages), “Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life” (published in 21 languages) and “The Awakening Human Being – A Guide to the Power of Mind”. Barbara's latest book is "Find and Follow Your Inner Compass – Instant Guidance in an Age of Information Overload". Barbara also works as coach and therapist, helping people around the globe come into alignment with their own true power. For more about Barbara see her Web site: http://www.beamteam.com
Why is it like this? Why are we so afraid of looking within? Why is it so difficult for us to truly face ourselves and find out what really feels right to us? Without having to justify how we feel to anyone else? Why is it so hard to admit to ourselves the truth about ourselves? It’s almost like it’s taboo or something. Why do we have such difficulty knowing for ourselves in our own hearts and minds who we really are and what we really like?
I’d say the number one reason is that we’ve all been brought up to please other people at all costs, so looking within and recognizing our own wants, needs and preferences can be quite anxiety provoking for many of us because what if being ourselves displeases other people?
But here’s the rub.
If you don’t know who you are, how can you live a happy life? And if you say your life is happy right now, I might ask – a happy life for whom? How can you know who is living your happy life if you don’t know who you are? Some people are living happy lives for their husbands. Some for their wives. Some for their children. Others are living happy lives for their parents. What about you? Whose happy life are you living? Is it your own or someone else’s? Because the question is how can you honor yourself and make good choices for yourself if you are afraid to take the time to sit down with yourself and find out what’s right for you? If you don’t know what makes you tick, how can you make good choices and take proper care of you?
You can only take care of yourself if you know yourself.
You can only make good choices for yourself if you know yourself.
You can only set limits if you know yourself.
But to know yourself you have to be able to answer basic questions like:
- What do you really like (not what you think you ‘should’ like or what other people think you ‘should’ like)
- What’s OK for you
- What’s not OK for you
- What makes you feel good
- What are your preferences
- What makes you feel uncomfortable
- What do you find unacceptable
- Where your limits are
And see what comes up. Honestly. And actually when we get the hang of it, it turns out that this is really fun. A lot of fun. In fact, the most fun of all.
And just remember, to answer these questions honestly you don’t have to explain to anyone why you are the way you are. You are you and you are the way you are, for whatever reasons. You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone. It’s as simple as that. You have the right to be you, whatever that means. And yes of course that means each one of us must accept the consequences of being who we are. But there is no right and wrong way to be you, but in this universe, there is the law of cause and effect, which is always working. And this means every action has consequences. But still you always have the right to think and do what you feel and believe what is best for you—and accept the consequences.
In fact, the Universal Law of cause and effect is actually a good thing because it means we all get to see, feel, taste, touch and live the consequences of our choices. Always. And this is exactly how it should be because how else could we learn? How else could we really discover who we are except by experiencing the effects of our choices?
So please think about tuning more into yourself during the course of your day and being mindful of what feels good and doesn’t feel good to you. Because again, one of the secrets of living a happy life is to become your own best friend. And you can only do this when you know who you are, when you honestly and truly know yourself. Because what does a best friend do? A best friend sees you for who you really are and unconditionally loves and supports the real you. But how can you do this for yourself if you don’t honestly know who you are?
For more about tuning into yourself and your inner guidance, check out my book “Find and Follow Your Inner Compass – Instant Guidance in an Age of Information Overload” for more help in this process. Especially the simple Inner Compass exercise on page 21.
So in short, being your own best friend means communicating honestly with yourself. And knowing who you are and not pretending to yourself (or anyone else) to be what you’re not. Being your own best friend means loving yourself and taking good care of yourself. It means being able to recognize your strengths and your weaknesses. It means respecting yourself for who you are and asking yourself honestly what is right for you in each situation. It means being able to set limits as to what you are willing to do for others. It means being able to ask “What can I offer in this situation that is honestly congruent with who I am and with my skills, strengths and energy level right now? So that I respect and honor myself, while respecting and honoring the situation and the other people involved as best I can?” And then sticking to that. In other words, it means asking yourself what is appropriate in each now moment so that you can maintain your integrity, feel good about yourself, and function optimally, both today and tomorrow. For many this is a tall order, especially if you are a “people pleaser”. But the truth is that to be your own best friend, you have to be able to say “no” to others without feeling guilty and without feeling that you have to explain or justify your choices or your behavior.
Happy best friend day to you – whoever you are wherever you are!
_____
About Barbara Berger
American-born Barbara Berger is the best-selling author of “The Road to Power – Fast Food for the Soul” (published in 30 languages), “Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life” (published in 21 languages) and “The Awakening Human Being – A Guide to the Power of Mind”. Barbara's latest book is "Find and Follow Your Inner Compass – Instant Guidance in an Age of Information Overload". Barbara also works as coach and therapist, helping people around the globe come into alignment with their own true power. For more about Barbara see her Web site: http://www.beamteam.com
** Below are titles & links to the beautiful work from Barbara. She is a long time contributor and my
dear friend :**
mysticlivingtoday.com – articles by Barbara Berger
The Ultimate Self-Empowerment Tool – Your Inner Compass
http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2087
The Key to Happiness; Understanding the Way the Mind Works
http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2113
Who would you be if you didn’t know your age?
http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2147
The Power of Right Seeing
http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2177
Review of Barbara Berger’s book Find and Follow Your Inner Compass by Riki Frahmann
http://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2184
Are You Here Now? Are You Happy Now?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2247
Discovering Who You Really Are
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2284
Getting in Touch with Your Heart
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2299
Follow Your Passion & Accept the Consequences
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2324
The Power of the Joyful Giver
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2359
You have nothing to deal with but your own thoughts
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2374
Radio show
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/starzcast/2018/09/26/natalie-interviews-barbara-berger--author-on-self-empowerment
Peace Is Your Nature
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2398
The Power of Contemplating Love
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2423
How Can We Serve?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2452
The Importance of Mind Management
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2472
Focus on the Real – A Way of Dealing with Worry and Catastrophic Thinking
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2499
Nothing External Can Disturb Us
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2527
Just Let Everything Be!
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2548
The Gift of Crisis
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2563
The Power of Asking for Help
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2592&fbclid=IwAR1ZK91thdusdkQTdqu0fHXgarR7Ghv7rmAjR6NypUUfLh2wv1ozLLi-HjU
What does it mean to be psychologically mature?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2625
The Meaning of Life
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2644
The Power of Praise & Blessing
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2682
Our Unalienable Rights
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2712
Meeting the Family & Keeping Your Peace of Mind
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2737
Healthy Boundaries – the Secret of Good Relationships
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2758
Healthy Parenting
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2777
Wanting What You Have
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2801
NOW IS THE TIME TO THINK POSITIVE
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2813
A Scientific Prayer to Lift Your Consciousness
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2828
Healthy Self Talk about the Body
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2850
Time Are Changing Aren’t They?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2881
Are You Following Your Inner Compass?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2904
What Happens When We Don't Listen to Our Inner Compass?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2920
Your Right to Be You
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2961
Doing the Right Thing
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2992
Seeing Behind Impermanence
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3026
Opening Your Heart – A Prayer for the New Year
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3051
Welcome to the World of Starbrow and His Amazing Spiritual Adventures
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3050
Use This Simple, Effective Right Reaction Exercise to Tackle Stressful Moments
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3084
No Healing Without Feeling
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3102
Happiness Is an Inside Job
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3131
The Power of Joy and Laughter
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3158
Watch Out for Black and White Thinking!
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3173
The Power of Eating Less
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3217
Good Ways to Say No and Set Limits
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3242
Higher Consciousness and the Power of Nature
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3259
Gratitude for the Gift of Life
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3284
Do Not Be Bluffed by Your Body
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3297
What Is Spiritual Bypass?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3329
The Intention of Oneness
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3358
The Importance of Having a Daily Program
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3381
What Is Preventing You From Being Happy?
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3417
Happiness Now
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3428
Staying Sane in Insane Times
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3462
The Power of the Choice-Maker
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3477
Understanding and Using Mental Technology
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3503
Cleaning Up Our Art About Money
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3516
No Comparisons (A Meditation or Contemplation)
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3538
